Wandering through life...trying to figure it all out

Over the a store

2011-11-07T11:22:00.000-08:00

In my 20's, I always thought that it would be super fun to live in small downtown area and live above a store. As I am getting older, I can't even imagine what it would be like now. Where to park? Where to take out the animal? The noise? Omg, I am turning into such an old lady!

My $1000 dogs

2011-11-02T11:24:00.000-07:00

After a lovely brunch outing on Sunday, my husband and I came home to something messy. The day before, we had just purchased some mouse poison to help us get rid of the mice that messing up my lower kitchen cupboards! Since our 2 cats have gotten lazy and decided to hideout upstairs we needed to do something.
Well to make a long story short. The little dog, Stewie is the "bad" one and I am sure he is the that got into the poison. He tore the box open with his little teeth and got out the cellophane wrapped block of poison. And I assume my older bigger dog Bella, who is the "piggy", saw that Stewie had something to eat and swooped in and ate the rest of it.
I saw the ripped package and little bits of the green colored poison on the carpet and I panicked a bit. They were both acting normally and we let them outside. I immediately got online and looked up the Tomcat company (the maker of the poison) and called them. They have a poison control. They stated that this is neurological poison and there is now Vitamin K antidote for it and that I needed to take them to the Vet. I first needed to find out which one ate the poison, of if they both did. I had to induce vomiting....that should be its own blog. 1 Tablespoon of hydrogen peroxide for Stewie and 3 for Bella. Not an easy feat I tell you. Within 10 minutes Stewie puked up "green" vomit. He ate the poison...as I suspected. Bella on the other hand took the peroxide like a champ and got super squirrelly. It took her a good 20 to 25 minutes to puke. Eww...lots of puke and it was bright green! So they both ate it.
Off to the emergency vet we go.
Upon arrival the 24 hour vet is gorgeous, nicer than most doctor's office's than I ever been in. We fill out the forms and wait to see the Dr. They individually take both dogs into the back and get "vitals" on them, which are normal. It was explained to us that they both had some hypersensitivity and dilated pupils. But both symptoms can be explained by the dogs being in a strange place. The Dr. explained the protocol for dogs eating this type of poison and it requires 3 doses of activated charcoal for each dog and 24 hours of monitoring for any signs and symptoms of any neurological changes, because this particular poison has no antidote. Feeling guilty and nervous, we agree. The vet techs bring in a "quote" for treatment and it was a whooping $1475 and that was the low end. The upper end was double that, and that was dependent on how the dogs were doing and if they required CPR or any IV fluids. We had to decided if we even wanted our dogs to have resuscitation? My thought was seriously? This is a dog were are talking about. We agreed to check "yes" though as these doggies are like my babies. A 75% down payment was required to even keep the dogs. Ouch! I was willing to put it on a credit card, but Dave said we should just pay for it with our savings. Bye Bye, wedding money. Thanks for the wedding gifts everyone...we just spent it on a ER visit for our dogs! Ugh!
The next day I received multiple calls from the Vet and other vets in the area. A different doctor stated that they did some more research with the ASPCA and they think that it would Be advisable to keep Stewie for another day just for monitoring and 3 more doses of activated charcoal. My heart and my pocketbook sank...I can't afford this. I called multiple vets in the area to see if they would be willing to do the activated charcoal treatment for Stewie and the one across the street agreed, but also explained how to do it and was willing to do the treatments if I had a problem. So I worried about my babies all day and explained my situation to my co-workers and my "boss" that day let me go home early to deal with my situation. o I was anxious and worried about the dogs and picked them up as soon as i could. When I arrived I had another surprise...an additional $400 charge. Shit! I paid it and got them out of there. Maybe with my $1845 they can buy a fish tank for their office!
I brought them both home excited...to have them back. They seemed just like they normally are. Stewie was a little more high strung than normal, but I think he just missed us. Bella too was a little clingy too. She was up on her hind legs trying to "hug" Dave when he got home from work. I called in off of work for Tuesday to be able to "monitor" the dogs and to give Stewie his medicine.
I am happy to report, they are both doing well and we haven't seen anything out of the ordinary from either animal. What an expensive lesson!

A $6500 wedding!

2011-08-29T15:01:00.001-07:00

Well I had a budget and I did some research and more research and more research, to come up with some ideas on my upcoming wedding.
I have been creative and cut some corners in order to come under budget, but a $6500 wedding for 120 guests is possible. 2 weeks to go and I'll post the final details!
I hope my wedding centerpieces will bloom by the time the wedding gets here! Think sunshine! FYI...i am growing dwarf sunflowers.

Just say no to Bridezilla

2011-03-13T10:17:00.000-07:00

If there was one thing that I learned from having being married before, it's being a Bridezilla is not worth it. I wasn't really a bridezilla in my 1st wedding planning trip, but I am really determined to not be one this time either.
Every little detail is not important and doesn't require a lot of stressing over. The only thing that i have been having a hard time is choosing a reception site. I don't want to be a cheap ass, but I also know that spending a lot of money is totally not worth it. Its a wedding, our wedding, not the party of the century. It should represent the people that we are. If we had a backyard large enough, we'd have a BBQ, that's the type of people we are, laidback/carefree. The only thing that is 100% and booked is the wedding chapel itself...so we are definitely getting married, but the reception is still up in the air.

Hush your mouth

2010-11-15T09:48:00.000-08:00

Well this weekend at work was interesting. It was crazy busy. I have realized that I work WAY too hard at the nursing home compared to the work that I do at the hospital.
The worst part of my weekend was when I co-worker asked me "are you expecting?". Expecting what?, lol a baby. Geez, thanks, I know I have put on some weight, but seriously? Maybe its the wake up call that I need. Time to get my fat ass back to the gym...unless she is clairvoyant and knows something that I don't know.

Dream a little dream

2010-11-11T13:55:00.000-08:00

Last night I had an amazing dream...yet it was like a fast forwarded version of my childhood. It was the best dream I have ever had. There were so many little details and things that I had long since forgotten that were SO real in my dream, that when I woke up, I questioned if they really had happened to me in real life? Unfortunately, my memory is horrible and I am not sure if all I saw in the dream had happened. Either way the dream was pleasant and happy. It was like I saw my childhood from the time I was 10 to 14. I wish I could remember more of it...sadly that's the bad thing about dreams, I rarely remember much of them

Snap, Crackle, Pop

2010-11-11T09:43:00.000-08:00

Well my back is finally on the mend, thanks to the Chiropracter. I was a little bit skeptic at first, but I am feeling much better. I am not 100%, but I am getting there. I like the Popping sound that my back and neck make at the Chiropracter office. I get a little tense when he wants to do my neck, but when I relax I am able to get good results.

On Bedrest :(

2010-10-27T00:22:00.000-07:00

So I woke up on Monday morning at 6 am to let the dog out and my back was a little sore. No big deal, I had been pulling weeds and digging up some dead bushes in Dave's front yard. I went back to bed and when I got up again around 11-ish, I could barely move. I was going to let the dog out, but I stopped to pick up a few things off of the floor and wham...i couldn't move without excruating pain in my lower back. So there I was stuck on the floor, with a giddy puppy, sitting on a pile of dirty clothes, crying. I was miserable. I managed to scoot my bottom across the floor and into the hallway. Stewie (my puppy) wandered into Steve's room (my Boyfriends roommate) and got him up. So there was on the floor crying in agony and Steve offered to help me. All i asked of him was to let the dog out. He called Stewie to follow him down the stairs, he'd take a few steps and come right back to his momma, he wasn't gonna leave me. How fricking cute is THAT. Dogs are SO loyal it amazes me. Steve finally had to pick him up to take him outside. While he was outside I managed to get my self into the bathroom, which was not a minute to soon I might add.
I texted Dave and he came home to help me. He gave me Motrin 800 and Flexeral and fixed me some peanut butter toast, so I didn't get an upset tummy from the meds. He piled all of the pillows up on my side of the bed so i could be comfy, brought me some soda and told me to call him or Steve if I needed anything. I slept most of the day...to try and aignore my aching back. I called into work, because I couldn't move, going to the bathroom was a major event. I managed to work my way downstairs for dinner and was back into bed for the night. He grabbed a bunch of stuff from my house for me and was SO accomodating. My man is da BOMB! He has been the best.
I went to urgent care today and they were pretty helpful. I think the shot of solumedrol and the shot of toradol in each hip was the key. I can now stand up like a human being! It was awful sitting in the car to get to the Dr., but it was worth it. Unfortunately, i had to call off work again. I HATE doing that, because I know that it screws other people over, plus I love my job.
I should be ready to go back to work tonight...i can't stand lying here in bed.
It is truly a blessing to find such an awesome guy who can/will take care of me when I am under the weather, it truly shows how awesome he is, I am SO lucky.

The follow through

2010-08-20T18:41:00.000-07:00

I am so excited and proud of myself.
Last year, when I got my 1st nursing job at the nuring home, I said to myself and many other's around me, "I'm going to work here for a year and then get a job in the hospital". Well I did it!
I was hired a few weeks ago at Huron Valley Sinai. I start on Monday. It is so exciting and rewarding on following through on my dreams!

Healthcare...?

2010-08-16T19:14:00.000-07:00

I have often wondered and have become increasing perplexed by the number of Healthcare professionals that smoke.
My workplace is a huge example and it makes me worry/giggle at the same time. I have never smoked, so maybe that is why I just don't get it. But as healthcare professionals and knowing even more so the dangers of smoking 1st hand, why do they do it?
I think it's just for the 15 minute break, which is also sad in its own right!

On the road to nowhere

2010-08-11T17:59:00.000-07:00

I just had 5 days off and it was wonderful.
It was so nice to not have any plans and just pick up and go where the wind blows. My 5 days started off with a canoe/camping trip which was fun like always. I love spending time with my family and friends. No major injuries down the river either. Dave managed to not steer me into too many tree branches or cause me any injuries, which is always a plus.
The weekend was quite interesting. My grandpa was talking marriage for me and Dave, which cracks me up. Its pretty cool to see how much more supportive my family is of this newer relationship than they were in the past. I guess it shows that we are great together. Its so nice to finally have a relationship in which we BOTH adore one another and not just one way around. I do adore him...terribly, more than I think he knows.
After the canoe trip, we had 2 days to do whatever we wanted...so we went exploring. We went to Marshall, michigan and saw all of the older homes. It would be awesome to live there someday. Its so nice to see some history.
We stayed in a jacuzzi hotel room that night and relaxed. The jacuzzi was a nice relief for all of the bug bites I acquired this weekend. We hadn't planned anything for tuesday and Dave decided that I our vacation wasn't over. We headed up to Frankenmuth and Birch Run for some outlet shopping and dinner. I was so tired from the day that i slept all of the way home in the car. It was a fabulous 5 days off!

The great Tattoo debate

2010-08-05T13:57:00.000-07:00

Called me old fashioned, but I am not excited about tattoo's. Yes I do have a tiny little one on my back and yes, I am contemplated getting another one, but I think they are getting out of control. I am getting SO tired of people crying about being accepted in society no matter what. Social stigma's exist everywhere around us and its gonna happen.
I have this great tattoo debate with one of my friends on a regular basis everytime I see him. He's in nursing school and REALLY wants to work in pediatrics when he's done. While we were on vacation together he got his first tattoo on his wrist, which I wasn't to keen on. I was much more worried about what it might do to this chances to do what he loves in the future. The next one he got was on his forearm, a huge faux pax if you ask me.
This where the old fashioned part of me comes out and I sound like an old lady, but first of all, as a mother, I wouldn't feel comfortable having a 6 foot, male nurse taking care of my kid. Secondly, especially not one covered in tattoo's. I don't care if he was totally awesome at his job, I'd be turned off by appearance. I know, its sad that I feel this way, but I am sure I am not alone on this one. I just wish people would stop and reconsider what affects having all kinds of visible tat's might have on them.
Enough rants for today.

Turning 35...

2010-06-22T17:22:00.000-07:00

Another birthday tomorrow and I am excited about it. I am not excited about turning 35...but since I turned 30 every birthday that I have had is another reminder that I still don't have what I REALLY want and that's a baby.
I think I have found the perfect man right now and things couldn't be more wonderful. So maybe...I'll hear the pitter patter of little feet in my future and wedding bells. I could totally see it happening.
So what have I learned in the past 35 years?
I have learned a ton of tough lessons in my lifetime. I've loved, I've lost and I've rebuilt myself from a mess. I am slowly working on clearing up my credit and finally getting my head above water. Boy...did I have a FUN time in my 20's! I did so many things. Why is though, despite all that I have done, I still want more? Take travelling for instance, I could check every place off my "want to visit" list and it still wouldn't be enough. I love going new place and seeing new things. I also LOVE returning to old places that have my heart, I'll never get tired of travelling, I love it so.
I have learned (and am still trying to master this concept), that your workplace will not fall and crumble to the ground if you aren't there. I am a workaholic...I know this, it sucks. I wonder about what's happening when I am not there, I worry about what's going to be screwed up when I return, I worry that i forgot to do something important...its just work! I have to remind myself of that everyday. I am not management, but often feel like i think like one all of the time.
I have learned that losing weight will always be an uphill battle for me and it will likely never be easy for me. I need to practice patience and consistency in my life in this area specifically.
I have learned that my family is one of the best gifts I could have ever gotten in this lifetime. They support me 100% and are always there for me, I am truly blessed to have been surrounded and raised by such awesome people.
I am often told, you don't look 35! Which is becoming a great compliment, but still can't make the years turn back and correct all of the mistakes I have made. I have no regrets, but with wisdom in my pocket, I would do so many things differently.
Can't wait to see what this next year brings.

Texting

2010-06-01T12:10:00.000-07:00

Since I have met Dave, I have succombed to texting...big time. I learned the hard way that I didn't have a good texting plan and have ended up paying $150 in text fees...Ouch!
This is one of the best texts that I have gotten: From Dave: U R the best combination of every kind of girlfriend.

How cute is that? He is just awesome.

When did get so brave?

2010-05-22T06:28:00.000-07:00

I went to a Pure Romance party the other night at a friends house and it was funny. When the demonstrator asked for volunteers everyone got all quiet...so I volunteered. I was asked to lie on the floor and be "the man". I assumed the position of my hands behind my head and another woman (the hostess' mother) was the chick, who was going to demonstrate this "love chair". When she sat on it, she fell off of the chair and on me and just about broke my penis (as I was holding this blue dong). Then the demonstrator also demonstrated with it to show the other ladies the positions that could be done with it. When I got up, I retired my dong and exclaimed "whew I am tired, I just had 2 chicks in 5 minutes!". Everyone laughed.
Near the end of the night they asked for more volunteers and again no one would speak up, so I again took one for the team and volunteered. This time I was demonstrating the door sex swing. It was very weird. I don't think I see a door swing in my future. I don't know when I got so brave, but it was fun. Maybe I have embraced my role as an educator and have just thrown my shyness to the wind.

Dinner Conversations

2010-04-13T11:49:00.000-07:00

Last friday I went out with Dave and we had a pizza. It was a fairly casual place and has great pizza. I have no idea how, but we ended up discussing celebrities. This then turned into the age old question, which celebrities would you bone if you could?
Not the most appropriate topic for dinner discussion, but like most things with Dave and I, everything open and out there for the talking. I was fairly surprised by his answers which were: Monica Lewinsky, Diane Sawyer and Jennifer Love Hewitt. Monica Lewinsky, are you serious? I cracked up. To each their own I suppose. But then I got to thinking and mine aren't the typical men either. My answers were: Seth Rogen, Pete Sampras, JFK Jr. and Matthew McConaughey. I am sure most people would think, Seth Rogen are you serious...but I think he is totally adorable.
Our conversation then came to who would like to hang out with, dead or alive, just to hang out in a non sexual way? My answer was Chris Farley, I think he would have been hilarious to have as a buddy.
At the table next to us was an Indian family and i was watching them during most of the meal. I commented on how I really like their family structure. I like how the children respect and take care of the parents and how the family is large and does stuff together and seem to enjoy each other's company. What happened to our values and an american family? Did we ever have this? It was a little puzzling to me to think about it all. What is an American family and what values do we teach our children? Oy...it was too much for one dinner. Dave and I both agreed that most cultures have this sense of family pride, except for americans, it made me a little sad.

Are you serious?

2010-04-02T09:08:00.000-07:00

I am fairly sure that things can't get any better than they are right now. I have a great job, a cool place to live, good health, a wonderful family and a fabulous man. I feel so lucky to have it all.
Things with Dave and I are fantastic. He is everything I ever wanted and more. Who knew I'd find someone that lived across the street. I just got back from a mini vaca in vegas and I missed him terribly. Not terribly, like I couldn't live without him, but terribly in everything I did and where I went, I thought of him and how much he would have enjoyed being there. When I got home, I went straight to his house and I felt electric. I wasn't a winner at ALL in Vegas...so I guess that I can't be lucky in every area of my life.

Happy as a clam

2010-03-02T15:52:00.000-08:00

It was a no-brainer really, my decision really. I chose Dave. The great guy who knew my life story in a week. The guy who literally lives across the street and found me on internet. The guy who cleaned up my cat's puke and didn't even flinch. Really? Who does that? I don't know if I would have done it. The guy who finishes my sentences, tells me I'm beautiful, likes to hold my hand in public, is down with the idea of having a family someday and is thoughtful. I'm smitten, if it wasn't obvious.

Tough Choices

2010-02-17T14:48:00.001-08:00

It seems that it has happened: I have met 2 great guys at the exact same time and now I have to choose between them. Why does it have to be this way? How often is it that you meet two great people at the exact same time? The problem is that they are both so different from each other that a comparision is difficult. One makes me feel extremely comfortable and we can talk about anything with out feeling funny. The other one makes me all nervous and wondering. One is blue collar, one owns his own business. One calls/texts all of the time, one calls sporadically. One has kissed me/one hasn't yet (but I want him to). One is shy, one is outgoing. Both have a pet (a bonus in my book for both). One knows about my desire to have kids someday, one doesn't even know about it yet. Oh the dilemma about figuring it all out.

Tulips

2010-02-15T14:05:00.000-08:00

Tulips are blooming in Holland Michigan!
No they are not, they are blooming in a pot on my coffeetable.
Yesterday I met the eharmony guy for a fun time at Winterblast and he surprised me with some tulips. I was taken completely by surprise, but in a pleasant way. I guess I didn't need to even need to go and buy myself some V-day flowers ;).
We had a great time at the Winterblast. It's nice to see good/fun things happening in Downtown Detroit. My favorite part about the night was getting semi-lost in trying to find the parking garage and snuggling up next to his arm because it was so darn cold.

The great "call in" debate

2010-02-14T04:24:00.001-08:00

I had a conversation with my gay BF Juston the other day about work and he really got me a little crazy.
A few weeks ago he had invited me to go play "drag queen" bingo next weekend. I am scheduled to work and he suggested that I call in and go. I explained to him that I don't "call in", I never call in. Its not in my work ethic to call in and I can't even imagine it. It really frustrates me when other people call in as well. If people just came in when they are scheduled, there would never be a reason to have to scramble and call everyone to try and cover the shift. The downfall to it all, is that if no one can be found to work, the person who was supposed to be replaced by the no show has to stay and get stuck working. Sometimes its just for a few hours, sometimes its for a whole other shift.
Juston's rationale for calling in and not feeling bad about it is that, on call employee's could just be called to cover the shift. I tried to explained to him that, where I work, that isn't the case and even if it were, its still wrong. I mean he wanted me to call in so I could go play drag queen bingo, which is so wrong in my book. If I were to ever call in, I better have a death in the family or be extremely sick.
I went on the further explain that I wouldn't hire him to work for me. It kind of struck a chord with him and he was offended. The conversation got a little heated from there and I stood my ground. I am confident that I'd be justified in "shit canning" any employees I hire if they call in often. His rationale again was "well you have to take the good employees with the bad", you can't have ALL good one's. My thought was, "Why the hell not?" Is it too much for me to expect my employee's to show up when scheduled? Am I being naive?
In this enconomy, having a well paying and steady job is a blessing and something to be proud of. If you don't care about it, then maybe you shouldn't have one and maybe you need to realize what it is like to not have one and can appreciate it after it is gone.

The Chinese New Year

2010-02-14T04:11:00.000-08:00

Here is my horoscope for today: An influx of social calls will probably make you feel quite popular today. It could be difficult choosing between all the parties and gatherings to which you are invited. It may suit you better, though, to pick a quiet evening with a lover instead, enjoying each other's company over a candlelit, gourmet dinner for two.

Too bad, I don't have any prospects, but it sure sounds nice.

It's Valentine's Day and I was hoping to be someone else's Valentine. I realize that it is just a day like all of the other's but it is nice to feel special. It's nice to get flowers. Maybe I'll just have to go buy some flowers for myself.

I had a very impromptu and unexpected date yesterday. I was online checking my profile and lists of potentials and I got a message from a guy. It was funny and I replied back. Then we started chatting, within 2 hours I met him for breakfast and had a good time. He is from the area and was giving me history funny tidbits about the new city I call home. The even funnier part about it all, is that he literally lives across the street from me. We chatted for a a few hours over breakfast. He was a really nice guy.

Last night I had another date with a guy that I met on Eharmony. I like him a lot, but I am beginning to wonder how he feels. I mean he hasn't even tried to kiss me, touch my hand or anything and we've been on 5 dates. I am extremely shy when it comes to putting on the moves and I just bring myself to plant one on him. I was just thinking about it and rationalizing that there really hasn't been an opportunity, but last night there was and still NOTHING :(. I suspect the gum chewing (his)after the movie was a good sign and it might have happened, but it didn't and I wish it would. I am planning on seeing him again today, so maybe I'll have good things to report.

The dating game

2010-02-05T12:46:00.000-08:00

So as you know, I am back in the saddle again and am dating. It has been interesting and fun, but weird at the same time. Its almost like there are some unspoken rules to all of it and I am not sure how to follow the rules. Do I call the next day? Do I email? How about kissing...are there rules to that? When is too soon to say "hey, let's watch a movie at my/your place?" There is so much stigma to online dating as well as regular dating, that it can often be scary and awkward. Do I tell him my last name? Will he stalk me? I feel so new to all of this that my head is spinning. Hopefully I'll figure it all out soon. I have been on 4 dates with this one guy that I like so we'll see.

The laundromat people

2010-02-02T16:21:00.000-08:00

So my new place doesn't have a washer and I spent my 1st time doing laundry at my mom's for 8 hours. Well there is a laundromat across the street, so I decided to do it all there. $22 later!, it was done. I don't think I'll be doing that again. A few more weeks of $22 loads of laundry and I could totally find a nice washer on Craigslist. So I will definitely be looking for one next week after pay day.
Whilst doing laundry, I met an interesting woman who decided to chat it up with me for a bit. She was bitter and angry about just getting let go from her job at Walmart. She was a cake decorator. I can't believe that being a cake decorator at Walmart paid so well....she was making $18 an hour. Holy!
Also at the laundromat was a cute little old man who walked so slow and I was praying that he just didn't drop on the floor in front of me. Did you know, that if that were to happen and I didn't do anything, I might likely be liable for not helping, since I am a healthcare professional. Somedays I wish I was just a normal Joe, who didn't know anything and could be oblivious.
There was also the mexican grandma/grandson, the eyeballing blonde and the asian owner, who doesn't believe in heating the place. All in all it was an interesting experience. I hope not to be going back anytime soon.

When will it happen...

2010-01-28T06:18:00.000-08:00

So I have gone on 3 dates with this guy and things are great. We have tons to talk about all of the time and the conversation never gets boring. He makes me laugh and I find myself smiling when I think of him. Its not a problem, but I guess I'll really know if I "like him, like him", when I kiss him. Yep, that's right you heard me, 3 dates and no kissing...yet ;). I am not really sure quite why it hasn't happened, but I am getting a little anxious about it. How much pressure I am putting on a 1st kiss?
Everyone at work is up in my business on my dating and keeps asking me if I like this guy and I do, a lot. I keep telling them, that I'll "really" know when I kiss him. Maybe next week ;).

Perspective

2010-01-21T20:27:00.000-08:00

After being in my new place for nearly a month, I am beginning to have a little bit of perspective on my life. I really thought that having space is what I wanted and in many parts that is true. However, now that I have space, I feel terribly alone.

I have never lived alone (except for my 5 month stint in Germany), I have always had a roommate and now being alone is really weird for me. I thought that I would enjoy it, but the truth is, I am struggling with it a little bit. Maybe it will get better when I move Smudge in and he will be here for company, but I am skeptical.
Being a bachelorette, I find myself rarely cooking because it seems pointless to cook something and have leftovers for 3 days. I don't like leftovers enough to want to eat them for 3 days. I am content with Mac and Cheese or a bowl of cereal.

I have jumped into the dating pool again. I am trying EHarmony this time and have a 3 month trial set up. I have had 3 dates already (2 with 1 guy and one other) and things have been going well. Dating is so weird...I am not sure I like it either. I am a one person type of gal and dating a few different people is stepping outside of my comfort zone. The dates have been nothing serious, so I should feel comfortable, but I am feeling a bit weird about it. I actually had a date tonight. After talking with him on the phone the day before I was tempted to call and cancel, but I figured what to do I have to lose, I'll go. He was nice in person, but still terribly shy. I felt like I was doing all of the talking/questioning. I wonder if I was ever that shy? 1st dates are so awkward.

Being short sucks!

2010-01-20T18:06:00.000-08:00

Well I went to my 1st concert of 2010 last weekend, it was a great show. Aside from the fact that I always get stuck sitting or standing behind the "tall guy". What kind of luck is that? It always happens to me. City in Colour was a great show, even with all of the "Canadian's" in the crowd.
I am not sure what it is about Dallas Green's voice that makes me feel what he is singing about. There are times when he just sounds so tortured, but I totally get it. I can't wait to see what else this year's concerts bring.
Here is a photo of the "hoser" that I had to sit behind. I wanted to tap him on the shoulder and say "Ahem, I am a nurse and I just wanted to let you know that when you go outside the change in temperature is going to make you sick." But I didn't, I just bitched about him the entire show and I had to do the "lean".

OMG

2010-01-16T00:07:00.000-08:00

I can't believe how much $$ I spent today. It was like $100 at every place I went. I'll be happy when I am finally settled in and have everything I need. Buying all of this nickle and dime crap is killing me. Today it was shopping mostly for decor. I got new pillows for my NEW bed, an entertainment center, some new scrubs for work and a bunch of different paintings/photos for my walls.
I have just about one room down that is complete...now only 4 more to go!
I can't wait to be able to enjoy this place.

Its all new

2010-01-14T14:26:00.000-08:00

Well 2010, I am ready for you. I expect great things from you.
I have a new place, a new career and a new outlook on life. Well not really a new one, but an "enhanced outlook" on my life and I what I expect for myself.
I am going to not worry about my ever ticking biological clock. I am going to lose 10 pounds. I am going pay off some bills. 2010, will be a great year.

Planet Fitness

2010-01-07T11:46:00.000-08:00

So I keep hearing the commercials on the Radio for planet fitness, so today I went and signed up. How can you beat a $1 sign up fee and only $10 a month?! I need to get my hiney in gear and drop a few more lbs. and tone up. I am thankful that since I have started working, I have lost 12 pounds! It was a 12 pounds that also required a very little effort to do, since it has natural for me to run my butt off at work. There is a girl that I work with that has encouraged me to sign up here and says that we can go together as motivation, so it seems like plan. Even if we don't go together, I can still get some time in by myself and at $10 a month, it is far less than buying some piece of equipment that will likely collect dust in my basement. I am excited to work out...at least I am for now.

In like Flynn

2010-01-06T16:05:00.000-08:00

Well I am moved in...but still not unpacked really. It is going to be a long process. I have been having a blast buying lamps, rugs and bathroom stuff. Painting has been fun and I am in LOVE with my living room. I went outside of the box and painted one of the walls a dark purple...it looks awesome. I am equally in love with the accent wall of my bedroom which is called surfer and reminds me of a carribean ocean. The other walls painted in the bedroom were a bust, my banana split yellow, ended up looking like a light neon green! So I repainted it a color called cork (i was envisioning a sun and sand type of room), but it looks orangy. Its a fine color, but not what I was going for. I think it will all work together though once I get my bedroom furniture. It is being delivered tomorrow and I am WAY excited about it. I can't wait to sleep in a big girl bed again.
Its been a piecemeal process of getting everything together. Picture will come soon. Til then I'll be unpacking and sorting...ugh. All of my scrap stuff is going to be the best/worst, but I can't wait to play with it all again soon.

Moving on...

2009-12-19T13:29:00.000-08:00

The other day a friend of mine told me she was concerned about me because I rebound too quickly. I supposed that I do, but I know when things are going bad and I put up an emotional barrier around me and let nature take its course. I suppose that I really knew that things were going bad with Joe and I months ago so I put up the wall. I didn't want to get hurt any worse than I knew was likely to happen. Boy, I sure am going to miss him. Bygones.
Now that I am a free woman and I am searching again. Why not? What is the glory of being single going to do for me? My friends have encouraged to get out there and just "mess around", but that's not me, never has been and never will be. I was expressing concern about my "numbers" already with some co-workers in one of our infamous candid latenight discussions and the more I think about it, the "number" bothers me. It is higher than I'd like it to be (and according to most of standards of my friends, I have nothing to even be worried about) and the thought of jumping back into the dating pool and trying out another relationship and potentially adding to the numbers scares the crap out of me. I don't want that. I never wanted that. I just want to get married and have babies and be happy. I want all of that stuff that comes along with being married. I want to find my best friend, a lover and a companion, all wrapped into one. Is that too much to ask?
So now I am moving on, looking for someone who wants what I want and enjoys things that I do. Someone who can epxress themselves and let me know what they are thinking and feeling. Someone who is loyal, confident and funny.
I am also literally moving as well and am looking forward to starting out the new year with a clean slate. I am all giddy about picking out dishes and rugs for my new place. I am excited to unpack all of the boxes that have been in storage for a year and half. It feels like it will be a great treasure hunt. I can't wait. Only 8 days away now! Feels like I need to do more shopping for my new place!

Game over...

2009-12-11T03:03:00.000-08:00

Well its official, its over.
I am heart broken and sad, but I'll get over it.
Why when a relationship ends, do we beat ourselves up? I have spent the last few sleepless hours trying not to beat myself up, because there really wasn't much I could do to save this one.
People just want different things out of relationship and in the end, Joe doesn't want what I want. I want to get married, have babies, be a fantastic mom, love my kids to pieces, cherish my husband, be excited to see/talk to him everyday, start holiday traditions with my own family and treasure the time I have with them, everyday. I want the goofy stuff, like card nights with my man and his friends, lazy sunday's in bed, a vacation for two, holding hands in public, a tight squeeze in the kitchen, dinner parties with friends, birthday's with family and a kiss before bed.
I had him up an such a pedestal, because he was perfect, at least he was in my eyes. I laughed at his grossness, smiled at his OCD-ness, wondered about his obsession with cars and loved watching him get ready for work in the morning.
He should be flattered that I wanted to be with him and have his kids...someday. Isn't that ultimately the best compliment you can pay anyone?
Ah well, I'll keep looking.
Til then I'll be wallowing in a little of self-pity and listening to sad songs on my ipod.

At the mall

2009-11-30T10:24:00.000-08:00

So I was at the mall today to start some christmas shopping and I am amazed at other people on a constant basis.
I hate that "hand person" who walks up into your face and says, excuse can I ask you a question and kind of cock blocks your next move and wants to squirt this stuff on your hands. Ugh...they sent them to super sales school. I tried to avoid them and they were following me. If the mall were busier, they would have been easier to avoid, but it was early and there weren't very many people around.
Then I was having a nice lunch and i see all of these kids around, I was like wtf, its a Monday why aren't these buggers in school...and then it hit me, home schoolers! What is up with all of these homeschooler's these days anyway? And shouldn't they be at home schooling them instead of at the mall? Unfortunately most of the kids I have encountered that are home schooled are weird and socially awkward. Kids need to be around other kids.

The Deal Breaker...

2009-11-13T07:54:00.000-08:00

So things were going along great in my relationship with Joe...until a few weeks ago. After a year and half, I was thinking that maybe something else would happen with us; a ring, asking me to move in or just some moving forward. Things are comfortable, but there are times when I feel like things need be pushed, so I pushed it.
From the beginning Joe has known that I want to have kids someday and in the early stages, he was fine with that. His response was that he didn't have a pressing desire either way, it would be great to have them, but it wouldn't matter if he didn't either. To me, that was acceptable it wasn't a flat out "no way" and it was something to work with. Well I pushed the envelope a few weeks ago and brought it up again. And then...the indifference came out as a now, I am not sure. He explained that the entire thought of being a dad scares the crap of out of him and he's not sure he could handle it. He said that on a daily basis, he has a hard enough time talking to people and what the heck would he talk to a 3 year old about? Oy Vey...is what I was thinking. Really? That is what freaks you out? That's not even a big deal in my opinion.
Then the conversation went elsewhere, because I was asking him a bunch of questions so I could get a handle on where his head is at. Basically, I asked him, why are doing what you do everyday? Meaning, like what's the purpose of working, saving money, having a house, etc. and he couldn't come up with an answer. Which for me is frustrating...I know why I am doing what I am doing and what goal I am trying to reach and then to be in a relationship with someone who can't answer that, makes me worry.
I don't want to beat a dead horse in the questions department, but I need answers and I need them soon. I don't want this to end...but I refuse to give up on what is important to me.

Struggling to find balance

2009-10-22T15:30:00.000-07:00

Work has been a bunch of drama of sorts lately and I am having a hard time trying to find some balance. For the past few days I have been felt literally nauseous when driving into work because I have no idea what will be there waiting for me when I show up.
I personally haven't been having a problem with a co-worker, but I am having a problem with things that, that person has done (or what it looks like she has done). I have had to speak with a supervisor about it and that in turn also makes me very uncomfortable. I don't want to be confronted about the other person and I am worried that it might come down to just such a thing. I am not ready to handle that along with all of the other responsibilities that I have at work and I don't feel like I should have to. No more drama is all I want. I realize that it is highly unlikely that a "no drama" zone at work will EVER be in effect, but one can hope.
It would all be just so much easier, if people did the "right" things and then I wouldn't have to worry about it. I have learned in the past few weeks about how important it is for us nurses to stick together and have each other's backs, but where do I draw the line? My own personal ethics have now played a part and I am not able to support one such person and the decisions that they have decided to make. I don't want to be "outed" in the workplace, but the actions of someone else could directly affect me and I couldn't just let it go without saying something. In the end, it is my integrity and my license at stake and I have to look out for #1 right now. I need to feel less guilty for the decisions someone else had made and feel good about the one's I have made. I did the right thing...but why does it make me feel so bad?

Pet Peeve #1

2009-10-09T10:25:00.000-07:00

Not using your turn signal!

If cars were meant to have this as an optional feature, it would be. Is it that difficult to use your turn signal when changing lanes? Since when did not using one become acceptable?
I get a little road rage every now and again and this is one of the things that sets me off. I especially love (insert sarcasm here), when you go to pass someone and you have to jerk back into your lane because the person in front of you decides to get over into your lane without signaling. What the heck! This happens to me on a near daily basis.

We as safe responsible drivers need to take a stand and get even, use your flashers, flip the bird and yell at the drivers who think that the turn signal is an optional feature on a car!

Pet Peeve #21

2009-10-08T10:49:00.000-07:00

OK here is Amy's Pet Peeve #21:
Salting your food before tasting it!

Why why why? I guess maybe because I have never been one to go crazy with salt or pepper, but I just don't get it? When I go to a restaurant and I see someone, especially someone I am eating out with, salts their food before even tasting it. How can you know if it needs salt?
No wonder there are so many people in the world with hypertension...no wonder there is so much food with crazy amount so of sodium.
Is it that hard to actually taste your food before seasoning it to death?
Makes me crazy! LOL!

Tough

2009-09-30T23:24:00.001-07:00

There are just days when my job is just SO hard. I feel overwhelmed by the amounts of things that need to be done in an 8 hour period. How is it that I can successfully pass meds on 60 patients on the long term care side and leave work on time, feeling good about myself and my skills, but never feel like I am gonna make it on my own floor where I only have 25?
I quite literally ran my ass off last night. I wore my pedometer and I had walked 7200-ish steps, which translated to roughly 2.5 miles. My hall/floor is not that big, its one long hall that has 16 rooms. And within just those rooms and my hall I managed to walk THAT much. At about 6, I start to get into panic mode because I feel like I am never where I think I should be in order to get out on time. Mind you, I NEVER get out on time. I see lots of OT in my future. I know it will get it easier and it will take some time to get used to, but right now and after days like last night, it feels like I never will. I can't wait for 2 days off!

I want to be happily confused

2009-09-29T16:06:00.000-07:00

After working in the nursing home for a little over a month now, I have seen all kinds of people. When it is my time and I am old and have dementia...I want to be one of those people who is happily confused. They are the easiest ones to take care of and who seem to be doing well. They just often need a little direction and are on their way. That's how I want to be.

They say the darnest things...

2009-09-27T16:02:00.000-07:00

Being nurse in a nursing home has lead me to hear all kinds of funny stuff from the residents. I have been jotting them down since I started working. Here are a few:

After trying unsuccessfully to get a patient to take their meds, I heard them say "coax me and maybe I'll think about it".

Another patient has said multiple times "when I get outta here, I'm gonna put on my robe, grab that microphone and tell my story, cuz Jesus saved me."

Another patient had a doll on the bedside table for a few days and I inquired about it, the reply was "that's ugly, isn't she UGLY, that's why I named her that, cuz she's so ugly, I'm gonna put her in the ugly farm.".

I want the courtesey wave DAMN it!!!

2009-09-20T20:53:00.000-07:00

This has long been one of my biggest pet peeves and nearly throws me into road rage, but if I kind and courtious enough to let you out I expect a courtesy wave! If I don't get one, I regret letting you out in the 1st place and am tempted to RAM your car. I don't have to let you out of the shopping center, the bank or starbuck's, but I do because I am not usually in a hurry to get anywhere and...its a nice thing to do. If you can't wave because, you have one arm...then give me a head nod. It is the least you can do!

I dream...

2009-09-15T17:25:00.000-07:00

Of babies, unfamiliar oceans, distant places, quiet and a ring...

The curse of the family...

2009-09-15T17:18:00.000-07:00

Today was a good day at work...until families came in. I have dubbed what I call the "curse of the family", a major problem for me today. My patients were all just fine, until family came in. No issues, no complaints, a smooth day. Til', I had bitching husbands, crazy kids and over the top complaints.
Why do families bring this out in people? I mean they were fine, until they showed up and now there is nausea, chest pain, anxiety and various other illnesses that come along with their visits.
I was having a great day...a busy day, but a great day until the families came to visit. Even when I was in the rooms, the patients were fine, it was the families flagging me down, listing off complaint after complaint from the patients. When I'd ask the patient, there wasn't anything wrong...or the problem was much smaller scale. It was so ridiculous!
I think that family visits are great and they should have their concerns heard...but in the cases today, they were just making things why worse. Argh...I can't wait to start on midnights...and then I won't have to see too many family members.

My family is so hillbilly...

2009-09-13T07:26:00.000-07:00

So yesterday my cousin got married (another blog to come on THAT soon) and as usual it was a family affair.
My Aunt Nancy comes in just bitchin'. She's complaining about the drive, the place and most of all her shoe. Her shoe was about 30 years old and broke when she got out the car. Not the heel, but the sole at the toe separated from the shoe. It was bad enough that it happened, but she had to point it out to everyone and then was proud of how she managed to scotch tape it together. She's so hillbilly. I am surprised that my uncle didn't have duct tape in the truck and she could have made her shoe all purdy.

A day of my life as a nurse

2009-09-07T19:06:00.000-07:00

So my workday on Saturday was interesting to say the least. It was a crazy day and was the first time since I have been there that I didn't "love" it. It was too much work for one person to handle and I felt like I was drowning.
The worst part of my day was one patient in particular and she drove me crazy. I got to play mediator between her and her roommate for the biggest part of the day. One was accusing the other of assaulting her in the middle of the night and turning off her TV. As the story goes, she said that her roommate came over in the middle of the night and turned off her TV and then swiped her on the foot. She proceeded to go on to tell me that no one did anything about it and she was afraid to go to sleep because she was afraid that she would be assaulted again. As I heard the story...not only once, but 3 times that day it got a little more elaborate. Each time the story was told and retold, the roommate behind the curtain vehemently denied the incident. She did admit to turning off the TV, but did not touch her roommate. All I heard all day was, "I didn't do it", "I didn't do it", eventually I had to intervene and tell her that I had heard enough. Quite honestly, I believed her. I believe that after she turned off the TV, she might have lost balance (because she is unsteady) and touched her foot, but by no means assaulted her.
All day long, I heard the story repeated by the "victim". I told her that I wasn't working at the time and couldn't bear witness to the situation. I explained that all stories have 2 sides and this was a she said, she said thing. I wasn't going to judge either side, but would do my best to get the roommate moved.
Seriously, later on that day, I heard her on the phone to someone saying that no one cares that she's been assaulted and everyone must believe her roommate because she keeps getting all of the attention. Mind you, the roommate put on the call light 3-4 times that day for various reasons and was attended to. I was SO mad at the lady on the phone. I wanted to grab the phone and explain what was going on to whomever she was talking to...but didn't because I am a professional. She was such a pain all day to deal with. Eventually, I got the roommate moved and she was quiet. Sadly, I felt for the roommate because I feel like she got deal a bad hand in the roommate department, but I was also relieved to not hear them bickering any longer. Ugh...it was a tough day.

Its 3 am...what do I want to eat?

2009-08-31T02:12:00.000-07:00

Since starting midnights at my new job, I am having trouble figuring out this very question. I've eaten "dinner" before I went in at 11, I've eaten "lunch" sort of, if I get up early enough to have something before dinner. Breakfast...? Maybe, but what do you pack in a lunch box that is easy to nuke or have cold?
I have been sleeping all kinds of cooky hours trying to adjust to the hours of 11 to 7:30 am. I like the hours, but my days are getting screwed up. I go in on one day and end on another. I am constantly checking my watch and wondering what date it is, that I should be signing things with.
But still the question remains, what do I really want to eat at 3 am? On any other occassion I'd be longing for Taco Bell or Wendy's or some other place that is open late...but those nights are usually followed by a night of partying at the bar and not working. I've tried cereal, Easy Mac, muffins, sandwiches, left over pizza and pierogi's, but nothing seems to be what I WANT at that time. I hope I find something soon.

Keno

2009-08-30T17:48:00.000-07:00

So last week I was at the bar with some friends and I won at KENO!!!
A big win of sorts, a whooping $410 on the 1st draw that I played. It was so exciting. As I watched the numbers draw, I held my breath and sort of freaked after it was over. I couldn't believe it. I won. YAY...too bad I spent it already. Here is me and a pic of my winning ticket.

I had to go back to the bar the next day to collect my winnings because they don't keep that much on hand there to payout. It was worth the drive back up there the next day.

A last breath

2009-08-30T17:32:00.000-07:00

Last night at work was the 1st, at what I am sure will be many, last breaths I will see someone take. On shift report, we expected the patient not to make it and at 1:35 am this morning, it was just that. Its kind of weird calling TOD (time of death) and it makes you feel a little authoritative in way (a weird way, but still).

I guess I expected to "feel" more about the whole situation, but I didn't. I am not sure if it was because we expected it to happen or it was just so peaceful that it didn't bother me. It was a peaceful death and I got to watch the "dying" process take place. I watched him breath short quick breaths and then none at all for 30-40 seconds.

The saddest part about the whole thing is that he was alone. I mean we were there, checking in on him and making sure he was comfortable, but no one that was important to him was there.

The creepiest part of the whole thing is that he died with his eyes open...and when I tried to shut them, they kept coming open again. He looked peaceful lying there. I am not sure what I felt him to feel like, but he was cold and clammy feeling, but there was warmth still in the crooks of his arms and legs.

I am sure if I see another one, it will be different circumstances, but this one wasn't too bad. Maybe this will help me get over my fear of seeing MY loved ones up at the casket. As I am coming to realize that death in most cases, is peaceful.

What Happened to them?

2009-08-28T11:54:00.000-07:00

I was recently enlightened by the 2 weddings that I am going to in the next few days and I thought to myself what happened to MY bridesmaids and groomsmen? I mean chosing your wedding party is a BIG deal and at the time, it was an easy choice, but now, if I were to do it all over again, would I choose the same people?
Fortunately and probably unfortunately, I am an only child and wasn't obliged to have any of my family in the wedding. Not that I would mind this at all, but I am not that close with any of my cousins and I thought chosing my friends was best at the time. Out of the 3 bridesmaids that I had at my wedding, I only talk to one of them still. She is my BFF (even though we are weirdly not close like most BFF's are), a good friend that I made at summer camp so many years ago...when we were 12. The other 2 were great friends at the time, but have since changed their life's paths and we rarely talk at all due to not having things in common anymore. I talk with only one of the groomsmen and he's a good friend still, the funny part is he was a stand-in for someone else who backed out in the end.
I surveyed my married friends out of curiosity to see if they still are close with the people in their wedding party and 80% of them said that they weren't. I thought how weird! Why is this SUCH a big decision at the time and have no bearing years to come? Do we change that much after being married?

RIP Fat Cat...

2009-08-26T15:24:00.000-07:00

Poor Fat Cat, aka, Not Nice (her actual name), Sherman, Chubby and Ol' Girl went to be with the lord on Monday night. She lived a long life for a cat...almost too long by most standards. In the end, she was blind, lost most of her weight and couldn't barely meow...her demanding mew anymore. Considering, that we got her when I was in tenth grade, that puts her at a ripe old age of 18!
In her younger years she was an outdoor cat, so the fact that she made it past 10 was pretty amazing. She was a good cat, but was VERY demanding. She loved everyone who didn't like cats and always tried to get their attention.

Come to think of it, she is the 1st pet that I've had to died at home. Most of our animals have been "put down", but Fat Cat was the 1st to die peacefully at home. My dad dug her a spot out in the back yard.
I'll miss her horrible dandruff, her demanding meow, her constant grazing at the food dish and her company. RIP fat cat, RIP. You are in a better place now ol' girl.

Names

2009-08-21T16:12:00.000-07:00

As I have begun my new job at the nursing home, ponder what happens to names.
As I walk from hall to hall and i see all of the names on the doors and they are all names that I don't hear them anymore. They are what I call "old people names", I'd list a few of them, but I fear that I'd be breaking privacy rules. Aside from that it makes me wonder, how does this cycle go?
When I am in my 80's will names like Amy, Jennifer, Heather, Kristi/Christy, Kelly, Melanie, Adam, Michael, Joseph, Steven, Brad, Karen and the names of many of my classmates, be obsolete? How does that happen? Do parents get tired of naming their kids after themselves or grandparents and the names just go away?
I mean, really when I have child someday, I am not likely to look at him/her and say aww, what a cute baby, he/she looks like a Laverne or Gary (my parents names respectively or Arthur or Lucille (my grandparents)). I suppose that is how names fall by the wayside.
I do smile each day as I walk the halls and look at the names of all of the residents. I am making a list in my head of all of the names that I don't hear anymore today. Maybe someday, they'll make a comeback.

Lessons in empathy

2009-08-16T09:03:00.001-07:00

I'll be the 1st to admit that empathy is a hard thing to learn. It has taken me years to develop into who I am and I still have problems sometimes wanting to judge other people at 1st sight. It is really difficult to want to draw conclusions when I haven't even met someone just by what they look like. I am sure we are all at fault for this to some degree, but it doesn't make it right. What is it that makes us so judgemental or put off right away?

I was at work tonight and I had the perfect opportunity to right, a wrong for someone else. Not that it was my place, but because I just couldn't let it go for what it was. There was a table that came in tonight and admittedly, it 1st glance it was a bit shocking. The woman/girl had something physically wrong with her head. She had long hair pulled back into a ponytail, but on one side of her head, she was completelt bald. It was clearly obvious, that it was something that she had not done to herself, but likely something medically wrong with her.

Her waiter, a guy that I work with, is just a kid (he's 20) and not the most PC. He came back and kept on saying how disgusting this poor woman was. Now disgusting isn't the word that I would have chosen. And the more I thought about it, I didn't think that it was the word he should have used either. So I took the opportunity to tell him what I thought.

I decided to give him a lesson in empathy. I said Roman (the guys name), I am going to give you a lesson in empathy. He was like "empathy...I am guy I don't have that". I said, well guy or not, you could use a lesson. I explained to him how it bothered me that he used the word disgusting to describe the woman at his table. Also, that it was obvious that she didn't choose to look that way. For me, it might have been more appropriate to say...unfortunate, but NEVER disgusting. I went on further to encourage him to think about what he says and hope that it isn't him who has some disfigurement or problem that is visually obvious. Plus the fact that he was riled about the way she looked and pointed it out to everyone made it even worse.

I explained that the girl probably gets stares all of the time just by going out in public and his pointing it out to EVERYONE we work with didn't make it any easier for her. It is sad that we point out the obvious and make it more of spectical than it needs to be. Hopefully I changed his mind just a little and he'll think about it next time some else comes in.

A night at Jason Mraz!

2009-08-15T07:14:00.001-07:00

Last night was fun...but could have been better! I am not sure if it was the lame crowd around us, or what. I went with an old high school friend last night and saw Jason Mraz, who had G Love open for him. I absolutely love Jason Mraz, but it wasn't the best show ever, but it was still good.
I was so proud of myself in a funny, off kilter kind of way, for being able to smuggle in a pint of booze in my bra. I had just recently learned about this new phenomenon from my boyfriends sister when we went to Def Leppard and I decided to try it. It works like a charm ladies...i swear!
He did sing my new favorite song, called Butterfly in the encore. If you haven't listened to it, try it out. Its super sexy.

New job

2009-08-14T10:42:00.000-07:00

Well my new job is going great...although I've only had orientation. I watched a lot of video on corporate compliance, med passing, falls and other HR stuff. It was a good 2 days! Each day though was supposed to be from 8 to 4, but I got out early both days which was nice.
The facility seems really nice and everyone is always "calm" when I have seen them. I am not sure if it is because they really all have their sh*t together or its just a really laid back place. It is so much different than what I have seen in the hospital from clinicals. At clinicals, there was always chaos...always something happening. THis place doesn't seem like that to me at all. I am wondering if it is because I have just been lucky...or its like that all of the time. I'll find out next week though for sure. I officially start on the floor on Tuesday at 7 am...ugh. I am VERY excited about it though, even though it is so early. It will be weird to be in a early morning pattern again, since I have been out of it for so long.
Buying scrubs was WAY fun. I realize that this makes me sound like an uber nerd, but it was regardless. We can wear gray scrubs, or white pants with printed tops. I bought a few of each so I can "mix" it up, lol. I'll post some pics soon with my new scrubs and my new build a bear that Joe got for me to celebrate my 1st week! He's such a keeper!

Endlich!

2009-08-06T13:42:00.000-07:00

Endlich!, that's German for finally!
I had a great interview today and was offered a position. I can't believe that I am finally going to be a registered nurse!
I was excited about the interview as soon as I pulled up to the facility. It was so nice and the lobby was pretty quiet, which too me was a good sign. There was no impending chaos, like yesterday.

Yesterday I had what was supposed to be an interview in da hood. I mean downtown, dirty Detroit, it was how should I say...a very colorful area. There was no parking that I could see at the facility, so I had to park on the street. As soon as I got out, I was asked for money. I locked, and rechecked to make sure my car was locked before I went in. I dunno what I would have done if I were stranded down there.
I ask for the lady I was supposed to meet and they were all a bit confused. Eventually, someone came out and gave me a stack of papers to start filling out (i kid you not, there was at least 40 pieces of paper in the application packet they gave me). Most of the stuff didn't apply, until you got hired so I skipped those. She came back out and was like...why do you want to work here? You are an RN, can't you get a job in the hospital? In my mind, I am thinking geez lady are you serious, do you think if I could get a job in a hospital I'd even be here. But I replied with a simple, "I am new grad". Well after filling out the papers, she said she'd call me for an interview, but I thought that was what I was there for? Bygone's...I was outta there, the whole place kind of gave me the creeps. She never did call...As I left, I was relieved to see that my car was still where I parked it and still had all of its tires. I was again asked for money from some random dude on the street in which I replied..."Sorry, dude, I am am here for a job interview". And I drove around the area, since I was in broad daylight and took it all in. I don't think I'll be going to that side of town again anytime soon.

Today's interview was fab. The place was great, the nurse that interviewed me was super nice and informative. She too was an OCC grad, so bonus points for me. She asked me all of the typical stuff, they like to ask and I was in the interview "zone" and was doing great. She gave me a tour of the facility. It was clean, busy and no one was just hanging out in the hallways. She said she'd recommend me for the position and that she needed to speak with HR. HR came out and also said that they would like to hire me as well, but they'd have to do a reference check 1st and that they'd call me. So 2 hours later, they called with the great news and offered me a position! I start next week with orientation, I can't wait!

Hanging in the balance

2009-08-05T14:58:00.000-07:00

Why does it always feel like my life is hanging in the balance?
It feels like it is ALWAYS something. Something I am waiting for. Something holding me back from my next step.
Well right now, it is finding a RN job. It was supposed to be easy...or easier right after I was licensed. But sadly, that is not the case. Just for shits and giggles today I have looked at all of the area hospitals and counted the number of positions I have applied for. At one hospital alone...it was 35 different jobs. No call backs ever...just a friendly email (only sometimes too) that says, pursuing other candidiates. Why won't ANYone hire me?
My resume is on monster, careerbuilder and hotjobs. I look at craigslist and area hospitals daily. I even went to a few places in person and filled out their 5 page applications (which can be summed up nicely by my resume, but I get a handcramp filling them out). No calls, no one wants me...i am getting depressed.
If I could just get a few interviews face to face, I know I'd get in. Sadly, you seem to have to "know" someone to get even that, and I don't. So I wait...and get more frustrated by the day. I hope something comes along soon.

Shoulda, coulda, woulda

2009-07-20T10:42:00.000-07:00

Why the heck I am such a lazy bum on my day(s) off?
I need to get some motivation.
If all of the scrappy stuff wasn't packed away and I actually HAD some space/place to scrap, I would.
If I had a house to clean, I'd probably do that.
I could go shopping, but that would lead to trouble, because I really don't NEED anything.
I should go to the bank, but that would require me to write out a deposit slip and get out of the house.
I would like to find a good recipe for dinner tonight.
I need to finish my laundry.
I should to get moving.

Spelling

2009-07-19T08:49:00.000-07:00

So I have been a facebook addict as of late and I have noticed how much my friends and others misspell the word "Congratulations". Is it really that hard? I know that hooked on phonics works for me...but it often mispronounced too, which makes people spell it wrong (or this is atleast what I am hoping...or my friends just can't spell).
I see Congradualtions...all of the time. Now its cute if its pun for a graduate, but other than that its not. Why is this word the worse offender? Maybe people should stick to congrats.

Restaurant Peeves

2009-07-18T07:13:00.000-07:00

So I am a waitress, I love my job. But with all lines of work, there are things that I just irk me or drive me crazy.
The other day, I waited on some very nice folks and all was good, until I had to bus the table. They left me kleenex! So gross! I mean I got a tip as well, but they left used kleenex on the table. Not on the plate, or wrapped up in the napkin, but on the table so I has to touch it to clean the table. Grody! Here's a a tip, please don't leave me kleenex (or anyone else) and if you HAVE to please make sure that you leave it somewhere where we don't actually have to touch it with our bare hands to get rid of it.

Keeping my fingers crossed

2009-07-18T07:11:00.000-07:00

Well after countless applications and submitting my resume, I had a job interview yesterday. It felt really good and I felt like I did a great job, but you never know. I have thought that before, only to get rejected. So I am keeping my fingers crossed and holding my breath that I get the position.
I am going to be a GREAT nurse, once I can get in somewhere.

Bucket List...

2009-07-13T20:33:00.000-07:00

So I was reading an old friend of mine from high school's blog and it gave me an idea...to write a "bucket list". I have an old list from when I was in high school floating around somewhere...most likely packed away in some random box. I remember writing it in a notebook. I know that I have crossed off some of the items on the list, so if I have already done them, they'll have an "X" beside them. Someday...when I find th original list, I'll make changes.
Why to make these lists anyway?
For me, I like lists, it gives me an sense of accomplishment to cross things off. It gives me goals to shoot for. Dreams to follow. So as of today here is my bucket list:

1. Be a mother
2. Travel to Asia
3. Learn to knit
4. Learn to sew
5. Eat Oysters
6. Master a forgien language "x" (even though I have forgotten so much of it now)
7. Buy a brand new car "x" I did this is 2001 when i bought my Ford Escape
8. Get married "x"
9. Plant a garden
10. Volunteer with the Elderly
11. Get a tattoo "X"
12. Write a book
13. Skydive
14. Flash someone
15. Buy an expensive pair of Jeans
16. Find spirituality
17. Save someone's life
18. Learn to golf
19. See a professional tennis match live
20. Get my photo taken with a celebrity
21. Kiss under a waterfall
22. Learn to surf
23. Swim with Dolphins
24. Learn to make sushi
25. Take a photography course
26. Learn how to shimmy
27. Travel to Austrailia
28. Learn how to play chess
29. Climb all of the stairs of the Eiffel Tower
30. Compete in a triathalon
31. Ride on a Harley
32. Get a foreign pen pal
33. Travel to Africa
34. See a space shuttle launch
35. Not eat meat for a month
36. Donate money to a scholarship fund
37. Learn to play bridge
38. Host a foreign exchange student
39. Travel to all 50 states

I just posted a new blog page

2009-07-13T20:19:00.000-07:00

I love the cherries

Just Say it

2009-07-13T09:37:00.000-07:00

Why can't I just say it...exactly what I am thinking.
I want to just say:

I want to marry you,
Start a family
And live happily ever after.

Or:
You are the highlight of my day...
Everyday
I think you are wonderful,
you make my heart smile.

Baby Envy...

2009-07-08T19:53:00.001-07:00

OK I am guilty...I have baby envy, bad.

I think it has really struck a chord now that I am done with school and have time to breathe.

A few weekends ago, we (Joe and I) were at an informal high school reunion with some of Joe's buddies and I couldn't help having baby envy.
It started out as just a mild case at first when I was reaching into our cooler to grab a soda and I felt someone tugging on my shorts. So I picked him up and made friends with a the little boy. I had no idea who he or his mom were, but we hit it off great and he became my little buddy for a while. He was cute as a button and was much funner than they adults that were there. Later on, I couldn't resist asking some other complete stranger there to hold her baby too. I don't know what has come over me. I haven't ever really been a "baby" person in my entire life...but I am turning into one. Its way weird...I think that my "clock" is just ticking!

One of my BFF's from nursing school just found out she's prego, I have 2 cousin's that just had babies...I am surrounded by them and I REALLY want one of my own.

Now...what? Maybe I should try to get a job in the NICU...or will that make it worse?

The shoe...

2009-07-08T19:46:00.001-07:00

I often see the "shoe" on the side of the road when I am driving and I wonder how in the heck did it get there?
Why is it always just one shoe? Who lost only one shoe? How did it get there?
These questions about the road shoe's have plagued me for years. Anyone else wonder about the shoe's lying randomly on the side of the road?
I fantasize about why they are really there...like they are clues for the CSI people to find or some one was trying to smash that annoying bug and oops, they threw their shoe out of the window.
OK...so it is weird, but it makes me wonder everytime I see one.
Today I saw a Nike Shox...who would drop/lose/throw a $90 pair of shoes out the window?

A bribe of sorts...

2009-06-03T15:09:00.000-07:00

So while I was on vacation in Florida, we had the wonderful opportunity of being right next door to an outlet mall. Knowing full well of all of this before I left I did some research and found out that they had a Coach store in the outlet. I had some money set aside to buy myself a bribe.
I get to have, use and enjoy this purse...when I lose 20 lbs! Oh yeah and the wallet too since it was such a steal at the outlet. I got the purse and the wallet for $85! Now I just have to lose 20 lbs! UGH! But I am down 3 so 17 more to go!

A little progress...

2009-05-21T08:46:00.001-07:00

Goals for 2009 Update
I have made some headway on my goals for 2009!

1. Lose 20+ pounds (started back on weight watchers and am down 6 lbs)
2. Graduate from Nursing School (DONE DONE DONE!!!)
3. Move out of my parents
4. Make a dent in my debt
5. Read 50 books (9 down 41 to go) I read Eclipse, Breaking Dawn, Sense and Sensibility, and The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society (LOVED it)
6. Take a trip out of the state (Yay, cross this one out, I just got back from a 4 day trip to Florida with the girls)
7. Get a job in the nursing field (Still looking, but have an interview on 6/9!)
8. Ride my bike 500 miles (25 miles down, 475 to go!)
9. Walk 1000 miles (daily walking doesn't count, i mean on a treadmill, bike path, etc., making myself go for a walk I mean). (985 miles to go!)
10. Make 365 handmade cards (Still slacking...only have made 2 rofl.
11. Scrap 52 pages (none yet, but I have plans)
12. See 10 concerts (1 down, 9 to go). I am going to see Def Leppard in July and I am REALLY am contemplating buying Jason Mraz tix, i should just do it!
13. Publish 100 blogs for the year ( haven't kept track....but I think I am at 22 or so)
14. Learn 30 new recipes (I made some yummy maple bbq salmon last night!) 29 to go.

Almost a year later....

2009-04-16T08:45:00.000-07:00

How different my life is from a year ago!
I think back on what it was like a year ago and I am SO much happier now than I was a year ago. I am happy to report that I rarely think of my ex and when I do its not with anything but question about something at the house or some bill I got in the mail.
I do miss my old house though...terribly. With spring coming up I want to see the flowers that I planted and to play in the dirt. I want to sit outside on the patio that I never had a chance to really enjoy...to sit on the patio furniture MY parents bought us as a wedding present. I miss the quiet of the house and the solitude of curling up on the couch with a good book. As I think back on it, I did live with Chris, but I was so alone...a lot of the time. I actually enjoyed it and I miss that now. I miss having a space that is mine the most though, which is why I miss the house. I love my parents to pieces, but they constantly have the TV or the vacuum running. Joe too is the same way...always has the TV on when he gets home from work. I miss quiet...
I do get plenty of opportunity for quiet before Joe gets home, so its nice. I like having the chance to clear my head and listen to the sounds of the house settling. I'll admit though...that having the quiet leads me to a nap some of the time.
School is winding its way down to the end as well. I can't believe I've made it! Despite all of the crap that I've been through I've done it and done it well! I owe a debt of gratitude to my study group for keeping me on my toes in theory. We are all taking a trip to Florida the week after pinning!
I have grown so much as nurse in the past year, that I often surprise myself with all that I know. There is a TON of things I don't know too. I am so proud of myself having successfully managed a case load of 5 patients on the floor that I am currently on and to have done it with ease really. Yes it was busy and at time hectic...but I did it! I took the load of patients that the nurses on the floor take...whew! I manage to suprise myself with all that I can handle on a daily basis. Only 2 more weeks left!!!
My love life is fantastic! Next week will be a year from a our 1st date! Things are going great. I do wonder though...if he'll ask one of the big question's soon? Only time will tell, I am not anxious to push either issue, but I do wonder about it.
In the next few months, my life will change tremendously and I embrace what lies ahead...I can't wait!

My new Milkshake

2009-03-23T13:34:00.000-07:00

I have a new friend.
His name is Andy...but I call him Milkshake. Cuz he was singing "my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard".
He's a first year nursing student and is in my clinicals, we have fun times at school.
I ran into him this weekend at an Adele concert, we had fun. His partner bought me a drink, we danced and laughed a ton. Why are gay guys so much fun? Every girl needs a few friends like Milkshake!

Goals for 2009 Update

2009-03-23T13:27:00.000-07:00

A look back on my goals for 2009...I have made a "little progress" on them, but its progress none the less.

1. Lose 20+ pounds (ugh making no progress here!)
2. Graduate from Nursing School (May is just around the corner)3. Move out of my parents
4. Make a dent in my debt
5. Read 50 books (5 down 45 to go) I highly recommend Edgar Sawtelle or The Alchemist
6. Take a trip out of the state
7. Get a job in the nursing field (Still looking, but have an interview on 3/26!)
8. Ride my bike 500 miles (Not warm enough yet)
9. Walk 1000 miles (daily walking doesn't count, i mean on a treadmill, bike path, etc., making myself go for a walk I mean). (990 miles to go!)
10. Make 365 handmade cards (LOL, slacker! I have made 2, 363 to go!)
11. Scrap 52 pages
12. See 10 concerts (1 down, 9 to go). (I saw Adele on 3/20, it was awesome, only 8 more to go!)
13. Publish 100 blogs for the year ( haven't kept track....but I think I am at 20 or so)
14. Learn 30 new recipes (If anyone has any good ones, send them my way!)

Its just a start and some of these goals are way easier than the others. I'll try to keep these updated when changes happen.

So progress odf any kind is good...I can't wait for some warmer weather and I can really get cracking on bike riding and walking...and hopefully weight loss. ;)

Weird...

2009-03-12T07:11:00.000-07:00

I am have been feeling very strange lately. Maybe even borderline depressed and it sucks. I need to get out of this funk that I am in. I want to sleep all of the time and have no real desire to do anything but zone off. I am thinking it is partly due to the weather. I want to get outside and get some fresh air, take a walk or ride my bike. But in the past few weeks, it has been rainy, super cold or snowing...which makes it nearly impractical to do. I could suck it up and bundle up...but I am lazy and I really don't like being cold. I feel like such a lump. I have gained 5 or 6 pounds and am not finding the motivation that i need to get my butt in gear and try WW again. UGH...I need to get out of this FUNK!!!
Hopefully some warm weather will brighten my mood.

Why are farts so funny?

2009-02-24T07:04:00.000-08:00

Seriously...as nasty as they can be, they are funny. Who floated an air biscuit? Dropped a bomb? Pooted? Oh no the covered wagon...is the worst. Dutch oven? Rofl...cracks me up just thinking about it.
I must say I giggle a little when people have audible one in public and they act all discrete like nothing happened. I mean seriously...you know we all heard it. It's a normal function...who cares. LOL. I love the human body and all of the funny things that it does.
I must admit however, the SBD's (silent but deadly) one's are the worst! Why are they the worst ones? The stinksiest...ugh gag me!

8 more weeks!

2009-02-24T06:48:00.001-08:00

Until Graduation! I can't believe it. I am so excited to almost be done.
I am still nervous however, that I still feel lost sometimes. I feel like there is so much more that I feel I should know how to do at this point. I am praying that it all comes together in my last semester! Woo hoo!

In a pickle...

2009-02-17T08:32:00.000-08:00

So I can't even remember when I started doing it, but as long as I can remember I've always picked off the pickle of my hamburgers when I get fast good. I like pickles and really never tried them on my burger. So this weekend, I did. Its not half bad. I actually did it more out of necessity than wanting to try it. Darn it for driving in the car and only having one hand free! I was pleased with the outcome, however. I might even eat them on there all of the time now...who knows.

Ruling your practice with Faith

2009-02-16T07:48:00.001-08:00

I spent a few hours in the PICU (pediatric intensive care unit) and was profoundly struck by the whole experience. I asked the nurse, how do you just not go home everyday and cry? She said, she rules her nursing practice by faith. It got me thinking, what rules my practice?
It's deep. I am not sure what will rule my practice in the future. How can give hope to someone when, there seems to be none? I didn't really believe the phrase, "everything happens for a reason", until late last summer and I really truly do believe that...but its so hard to explain it to someone else. I am sure people with Faith do have an easier time dealing with the tradgedies of life, how can you say everything happens for a reason to a mother who is losing a child? I wish I had faith. I do believe in something bigger, larger than me, but I just don't know what that is yet, I need to find out. I need something stronger than the faith in Modern medicine to get me there.
I have faith that I can be strong, keep it together and make a difference in someone else's life. I think it is a good place to start.

The socially inept...

2009-02-16T07:14:00.000-08:00

I swear it seems like I always seem to find them or is it do they find me...?
Last night I went with my boyfriend to go see Lord of the Dance. I loved the show...except for the 3 ladies behind me. They yapped for nearly the whole performance. What gives? This is the 2nd time I have been to see Lord of Dance and the 2nd time I been near some yappers. Joe shh'ed them and one of them got her panties all in a bunch. I mean seriously...do people throw all etiquette or common courtesy out the window when they go out in public. When a show starts...I'd expect a little chatter, becuase it is exciting and what not...but seriously, if you want to go out to talk go out for coffee or dinner. Don't ruin someone else's experience. Plus the tickets were $50 a pop, so I'd rather enjoy the show and not have it ruined by someone who doesn't get out much and forgot how to behave in public.
I love that Joe, like me has a short fuse with people like this too. It saves me from looking like jerk by having to confront someone, he gladly does it.
Secondly, I really don't understand why when people are walking in an orderly fashion to either get to their seats or to leave the premises, why other's prefer to come to a complete stop and clog up traffic, so they can check out the overpriced T-shirts that are way off to the side or to dead stop becuase they want to see what the concession stand has to offer. You can see it coming...weave your way through traffic and go to where you want to be, its not rocket science. The closer you get to it, the better you will be able to see and then you won't stop traffic.
At the venue last night, Joe was kind of hungry and got a snack of chicken fingers and fries. They serve it up in a big basket thingy and send you off to the side to get the condiments after you pay. Well not only were we behind the traffic stoppers, but they beat us to the condiments. Seriously, there is a line, people are hungry...don't get your condiments and just stand there are dip your fries. There is a line, it isn't a snack bar. Move on, be courteous of other people...don't people learn that when they are growing up? Ah, people never cease to amaze me sometimes. Where is Dear Abby now...I need to write her a letter.

Chocoholics...are in trouble

2009-02-04T12:01:00.000-08:00

My aunt sent this to me in an email today. I can't wait to try it!

This is so bad!

5 MINUTE CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE
4 tablespoons flour
4 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons cocoa
1 egg
3 tablespoons milk
3 tablespoons oil
3 tablespoons chocolate chips (optional)
A small splash of vanilla extract
1 large coffee mug

Add dry ingredients to mug, and mix well. Add the egg and mix thoroughly. Pour in the milk and oil and mix well.

Add chocolate chips (if using) and vanilla extract, and mix again.

Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes at 1000 watts.

The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don't be alarmed. Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate if desired.
(This can serve 2 if you want to feel slightly more virtuous.)
And why is this the most dangerous cake recipe in the world? Because now we are all only 5 minutes away from chocolate cake at any time of the day or night.

Invisible?

2009-02-04T11:13:00.001-08:00

I love how people think that they are invisible when they pick their nose in the car. I frequently find myself pulling up next to a car and someone is digging for gold. I mean really digging...like half knuckle. Gross. Just because you are driving in your car doesn't make you invisible. Everyone else can see what you are doing.
I do admit, that I do pick my nose. And yes... I have done it in my car...I am discreet. If someone is coming up beside me I pull my hand down. I am secret picker...oh crap. I guess my secret is out now!

I love good Sales!

2009-01-26T07:06:00.000-08:00

I was at the Library yesterday and met up with my Study Buddies to get some cramming in for the exam that we have today and the library was having a book sale.
As many books as you could fit into a paper shopping bag for 5 bucks! So I stuff my big to the gills with a variety of hard cover and soft cover books. I can't wiat to have some time to read them. I laughed aloud to myself as I picked a few Harlequin Romance books. What the heck...its been ages since I've read any of those, lol. I think I managed to put 25 books in my bag...no to find the time to read them all.
I just love when you find a deal like that!

Goals for 2009

2009-01-21T05:56:00.000-08:00

So I have been thinking about Goals for 2009 and I have decided that I need to make them public for all of you to view. Its just a start and some of these will happen...but it will take time.

1. Lose 20+ pounds
2. Graduate from Nursing School
3. Move out of my parents
4. Make a dent in my debt
5. Read 50 books (2 down 48 to go)
6. Take a trip out of the state
7. Get a job in the nursing field
8. Ride my bike 500 miles
9. Walk 1000 miles (daily walking doesn't count, i mean on a treadmill, bike path, etc., making myself go for a walk I mean)
10. Make 365 handmade cards
11. Scrap 52 pages
12. See 10 concerts (1 down, 9 to go)
13. Publish 100 blogs for the year
14. Learn 30 new recipes (If anyone has any good ones, send them my way!)

Its just a start and some of these goals are way easier than the others. I'll try to keep these updated when changes happen.

Inauguration

2009-01-21T05:43:00.000-08:00

So I must admit that while watching the inauguration on TV yesterday, I was getting a little teary eyed. I don't know why, but I was caught a little off guard I suppose. I am sad to admit, but I guess I never really cared about the last few elections (although I did vote). I don't know why this one means so much. I could care less if he a black man. I will admit that I never thought I'd see a black man this soon in office in my lifetime. I forsaw it coming, but I thought maybe it wouldn't be until I was in my 50's. I am ready for change, I can't wait to see what happens next. Way to go Barack!
Here is a pic of me sporting my Obama Shirt yesterday:

Do you ever?

2009-01-19T11:50:00.001-08:00

Do you ever wonder when you are in a large crowd or see a large crowd of people, think to yourself...this would be the perfect time for terrorists to knock out a large number of people?

I had this conversation at work with a co-worker and she says that she thinks this too. My boss overheard us and told us we were crazy and we shouldn't waste our time worrying about such things. It's not that worry, but I think about it. For example, how perfect would it be for someone to drop a bomb on us or have a shooting spree when we are downtown watching the fire works. The fireworks in Detroit draws a crowd of over a million people, it is loud, it kind of chaotic...no one would even know what hit them. We are all too engrossed in fireworks show and taking in the sites, that would we even know what hit us?
I know I am probably a little weird, but does anyone else feel like this? Do you ever think about it?
Let me know...My Co-worker and I can't be the only one's.

City in Colour

2009-01-10T12:22:00.000-08:00

I went with a girlfriend of mine to see City in Colour last night. We saw a very great acts prior to the headliner too. I am so stoked that they played my favorite song.

Here is a link to a video of the song:
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&VideoID=47617106

Lyrics to "The Girl"

I wish I could do better by you,
Cos that's what you deserve.
You sacrifice so much of your life,
In order for this to work.

While I'm off chasing my own dreams,
Sailing around the world,
Please know that I'm yours to keep,
My beautiful girl.

And when you cry a piece of my heart dies,
Knowing that I may have been the cause,
If you were to leave, fulfill someone elses dreams,
I think I might totally be lost.

But you don't ask for no diamond rings,
No delicate string of pearls,
That's why I wrote this song to sing,
My beautiful girl

Ugh

2009-01-09T11:34:00.000-08:00

I feel so fat this week! I have no idea why. I almost wish I was sick again because I felt better about myself then, rofl.
WW is going OK and it could be going better than it has been, but I am trying. I just need to try harder and commit to it 100% of the time.
I love how when I weigh myself (naked of course) in the morning and then weigh myself again before I go to bed (in my PJ's), I can gain 8 pounds. And then I can wake up in the morning the next day and lose the 8 pounds, rofl.
I play such a mind game with myself. When I lose lb. or 2, I feel all sexy and when I gain I feel fat and disgusting. I just wish it were easier to lose weight. I just need to try harder.

The Great Lunch Debate

2009-01-07T10:52:00.001-08:00

Everyday its the same debate when I am at work...what do I WANT for lunch? What I ultimately want and what I SHOULD eat are always contradicting each other. I know what I should be eating, but what I want is always tugging at me. I hate it. I wish I had a personal chef that could make whatever I wanted in a "healthy" way. I should just pack lunch, but I HAVE to get out of the office. I am trying to be budget friendly so packing my lunch would be great, but since it is cold, where would I go to eat it? I would eat at my desk, but that doesn't get me out of the office. I could eat at my desk and go to the store for my "lunch break", but then I wind up buying stuff that I really don't need. Its a viscious circle. Today I opted for Taco Bell...and it was a bust.

I love eating Subway, but I never feel satisfied when I am done. I know that I should be eating Turkey or Ham (which I often do), but the meatball sub rocks my socks. Darn Jared...I don't know how he did it. I'd get so bored.

The cheesy bacon gordita Crunch was gross. I was so disappointed. Then I made the mistake of looking at the nutritonal content of it and I about cried. Florine Mark would be so disappointed with me. I should have just went with 3 soft taco's for 12 WW points. At least then I'd "almost" feel satusfied my lunch choice. DARN DARN DARN....I need to get my will power back, I've been a total WW slacker this week.

Ah...Wendy's I love you so. I only eat 3 things there and they all come off of the 99 cent menu. Jr. Bacon cheeseburgers are one of my favorites, but I pick off the healthy part (the lettuce and the tomato). They are 9 WW by the way. The Doublestack is a little more filling and usually makes me happy, and its 9 points too. And fries...who doesn't like Wendy's fries. I have sacrafied one of my VERY favorites and that is the Frosty...why does all of the stuff that taste's so good are so bad for you.

I could always go to my parents house for lunch and have a sandwich and I do that often too. I like when my mom cooks and there are leftovers (that I like). Hmm...can't beat home cooking. I could live off of grilled cheese sandwiches, tomato soup and mac and cheese. But Florine, doesn't like those foods too much either...argh. Am I supposed to eat a salad for lunch? Yuck...that just doesn't "do" it for me.

And then again the cycle starts again when I decide what to have tomorrow.

What I want...

2009-01-06T12:39:00.001-08:00

I stole this from Facebook. Kristi sent it to me, I thought it was pretty funny.

1. Put your MP3 player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer (questions below)
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS (option to put the name of artist in brackets next to it)
4. Tag at least 10 friends who might enjoy doing the game as well as the person you got the note from.

1) IF SOMEONE SAYS "FUCK YOU!" YOU SAY:
Us (Regina Spektor)

2) WHAT'S THE BEST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO YOU?
Hey Ya (Outkast)

3) WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO YOU?
Behind the Wheel (Depeche Mode)

4) WHAT WILL OPRAH'S NEXT SHOW BE CALLED?
No No No (Paolo Nutini)

5) WHAT WILL OBAMA'S FIRST EXECUTIVE ORDER BE?
Chasing Cars (Snow Patrol)

6) IF YOU COULD SAY ONE THING TO THE PERSON YOU LOVE, IT WOULD BE?
Laid (James)

7) IF YOU COULD SAY ONE THING TO THE PERSON YOU HATE IT WOULD BE?
Tears Dry on Their Own (Amy Winehouse)

8) WHAT WOULD YOUR AUTOBIOGRAPHY BE CALLED?
Crazy (Aerosmith)

9) WHAT IS LOVE?
Say It Right (Nelly Furtado)

10) WHAT IS HATE?
Condemnation (Depeche Mode)

11) WHAT IS YOUR BEST TRAIT?
In Our Nature (Jose Gonzales)

12) WHAT IS YOUR WORST TRAIT?
Proud Mary (Tina Turner)

13) WHERE WILL YOU BE IN FIVE YEARS?
Mouthwash (Kate Nash)

14) HOW DO YOUR FRIENDS DESCRIBE YOU?
Clocks (Coldplay)

15) WHAT DOES THE FUTURE HOLD FOR YOU?
This Ain't A Scene (Fall out boy)

16) WHAT DOES THE FUTURE HOLD FOR YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Welcome to the Jungle (Gun's and Rose's)

17) WHAT DO YOU WISH YOUR LOVER WOULD WHISPER IN YOUR EAR?
Incredible (Madonna)

18) WHAT WILL SAVE THE WORLD?
Rhythm Divine (Enrique Iglesias)

19) WHAT IS LOVE?
Vindicated (Dashboard Confessional)

20) WHAT IS HATE?
You're my Best Friend (Queen)

21) WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST STRENGTH?
I Love (Tom T Hall)

22) WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST WEAKNESS?
What I Am (Edie Brickell)

23) WHAT DO YOU DREAM ABOUT?
Tell Me Baby (Red Hot Chili Peppers)

24) WHAT GIVES YOU NIGHTMARES?
The Fear You Won't Fall (Joshua Radin)

25) WILL YOU EVER FIND 'THE ONE'?
The Joker (Steve Miller Band)

26) WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?
Head Over Feet (Alanis Morissette)

27) WHAT MAKES YOU SAD?
Maybe I'm Amazed (Paul McCartney)

28) WHAT'S THE STUPIDEST THING IN THE WORLD?
Sweet Emotion (Aerosmith)

29) WHAT DO PEOPLE LOVE ABOUT YOU?
Trouble (Ray LaMontagne)

30) WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
What I Want (Daughtry)

Tee Hee, some of these are funny!

Hindsight

2009-01-06T09:41:00.000-08:00

So I've been talking with the other girl in the office today about relationships and the past and everything else. I've come to realize how important hindsight is.
As I look back on my relationship with my ex, everything seems so clear. It was so obvious how miserable we were. We treated each other SO badly. It took the littlest things to set each other off and turned into something ugly and monstrous when it did. I'd get so angry about the dumbest shit and it wasn't even the things that I was mad about, that I was REALLY mad about. It was this whole big culmination of everything else and that one little thing set it all into motion.
I am embarrassed to think about how I behaved and how "mean" I got. In hindsight, it was so unnecessary. Why did I do that? I'd like to say that it was because I was trying to protect myself, but deep down I always knew I was just trying to make him as miserable as I was. Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying that I am/was at total fault in that failed relationship, but I didn't make things any easier. There were times when I hated him and no matter what he had done or not done, I don't think it would have made a difference. He was just not the right person for me and it was a mess.
I could have ignored the dumb shit and focused on what was so big and bothering me. I am not sure if it would have made a difference at all if I would have acted differently and at this point in my life I am not going to dwell on it.
I look at other people around me and I know that they are just as miserable as I was. I am so grateful that I got out. So grateful that its over. I know it is difficult and it hard, but don't we owe it to ourselves and our partners to treat each other nicely? If we can't do that, it needs to end. There is nothing worth it in the world to keep on keeping on in misery. End it...you'll be happy in the long run. Trust me, I know. If you don't look at your partner and think "sigh" that he/she is the best, why not? Did you ever? Can you?

I look at Joe all of the time and think "sigh", he is a great person. Where has he been all of my life? Everything is good. I am warm and fuzzy inside.
I think of hindsight and the weird part is, I don't feel like I can make mistakes this time around. Its a different kind of relationship that I have with Joe and it feels great. I don't ever feel like I have to watch what I say, because I never have anything mean to say. I never think mean things. I never feel lost. I never have been this happy. Who knew...

Decisions...choices

2009-01-04T19:16:00.000-08:00

So I have been thinking a lot about the future lately and what it holds for me and I have some BIG decisions to make soon.
Everything hangs in the balance of school and each decision I make from that point on will potentially affect the rest of my life.

I want a family...but I want to travel and see the world.

I want to do some awesome medical things, like help other's in a foreign country...but I want a family.

I want some space of my own...but I want Joe to ask me to move in someday.

I want to finish my bachelor degree in nursing...but I want to avoid schoolbooks for as long as possibly can again.

I have some tough choices to make in the spring, I am sure I'll know what to do when that time comes.

2009...here I come!

2009-01-01T09:46:00.000-08:00

Happy new year everyone!

I am starting this year off right and plan on blogging just a little but more than I have been. I really enjoyed going back over the past year and seeing how I've grown. I loved reading about how I felt and how much life has changed for me.

2008 was a year to learn from and a year that I will never forget, for good and bad reasons. It kicked me down at its lowest and rose me up as well. It brought me sadness and heartache, but also brought me happiness and love. It brought me strength in times when I was at my weakest and taught me to move on even though there doesn't seem like much to move on for.

I like the idea of resolutions, I think that they give us something to shoot for. I like the idea of being accountable for "you" and I have a few goals for 2009 that I'd like to share:

1. Love more
2. Live more
3. Learn more

I wish you all a blessed 2009 and hope you will take my resolutions and use them for yourself.

Enough Already!!!

2008-12-19T07:51:00.000-08:00

In light of this recent headline: Arkansas family welcomes 18th child, a girl!

All I have to say is enough already!!!

Ark. – An Arkansas woman has given birth to her 18th child. Michelle Duggar delivered the baby girl by Caesarean section Thursday at Mercy Medical Center in Rogers. The baby, named Jordyn-Grace Makiya Duggar, weighed 7 pounds, 3 ounces and was 20 inches long.

If these parents were indeed at all "responsible" parents, they would have never allowed themseleves to have so many children. They seriously need to get a new hobby, other than procreating!

I feel that it is terribly unfair to the other children, having to take care of all of the other children all of the time. There is NO way that 2 parents can take care of all of those children and it grossly unjust to expect the older children to take care of younger children, because they are selfish.

This whole story angers me to no end. Seriously Duggars...invest some time in birth control, those darn kids can just about crawl out her uterus at this point, gross!

I love how they say that each baby is a gift from god...well in my opinion, they are getting pretty greedy with "their gifts" and should consider the possibility that the human body wasn't built to take such abuse. What good will it afford them when she dies during childbirth? How will they function with a one parent household and 18 kids?

Oh yeah and don't even get me started on all of the goofy ass "J" names that have creative spelling!!!

A prayer for the soul

2008-12-15T13:52:00.001-08:00

So I got this "prayer" from a friend of mine today and it struck me pretty hard. We need to ALL take some time and look at things differently...you never know how other's lives really are, until you stop and think, instead of react on impluse. I am not religious in any way really, but I thought that this a great message that we all can appreciate regardless of our religious view.

> Heavenly Father, Help us remember that the jerk who cut us off in traffic last night is a single mother who worked nine hours that day and is rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children.
>
> Help us to remember that the pierced, tattooed, disinterested young man who can't make change correctly is a worried 19-year-old college student, balancing his apprehension over final exams with his fear of not getting his student loans for next semester.
>
> Remind us, Lord, that the scary looking bum, begging for money in the same spot every day (who really ought to get a job!) is a slave to addictions that we can only imagine in our worst nightmares.
>
> Help us to remember that the old couple walking annoyingly slow through the store aisles and blocking our shopping progress are savoring this moment, knowing that, based on the biopsy report she got back last week, this will be the last year that they go shopping together.
>
> Heavenly Father, remind us each day that, of all the gifts you give us, the greatest gift is love. It is not enough to share that love with those we hold dear. Open our hearts not to just those who are close to us, but to all humanity. Let us be slow to judge and quick to forgive, show patience, empathy and love. Matt 5:44

Ahhhhh....to relax

2008-12-15T13:43:00.000-08:00

I LOVE that I am done with school!! And I passed! I pulled out an amazing A- from my horrible D beginning. I am so proud of myself. My study buddies were the best and really, REALLY, helped me get through this semester. I owe them BIG time.
Here is a pic of my study buddies chillin' at the mall after our evaluations! YAY we made it...only 2 more classes to go!!!!

Look at us future nurses...we look like we need a nap. Finals were so exhausting.

A Stye oh My

2008-12-02T12:37:00.000-08:00

Yep that's right you heard me, I have a stye...again.
That's two in a week, it is getting hella annoying. Fortunately, mine don't hurt and I don't really notice them, until I get that scratchy feeling on my eye. Last week I had one on my right eye on the upper lid and yesterday, I had one on the same eye on the lower lid.
I did some research I found out that:
What is a Stye?:
A stye, or hordeolum, is a small bump that can appear on the outside or inside of the eyelid.

A stye develops from an eyelash follicle or an eyelid oil gland that becomes clogged from excess oil, debris or bacteria. Styes seem to be brought on by increased stress, but can also be a complication of another condition, called blepharitis.

Well since I had an exam yesterday and my final on the 8th...I am guess I am a little stressed! I guess I won't be stye free until December 8th is over and I pass my class! Ugh!

Things you have done

2008-11-25T11:27:00.001-08:00

I stole this from an old whore's blog, I thought was pretty cool:
Bold the things that you have done:
1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelos David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memoria
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone's life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day

I do like to read an entire book in one day most of the time, its one of the only ways I getto finish one these days.
This list has also given me a few ideas of things I'd like to do in the future.

976 Numbers

2008-11-18T09:41:00.000-08:00

Hello Santa? Is that you?....Mrs. Claus comes on and says how santa is busy getting ready for Christmas and a recorded story starts.
I am sitting here at work today and something totally random popped into my head...does anyone remember the 976 numbers. Yes, there were numbers to call party lines and stuff like that, but does anyone remember the ones they had for the holiday's? I think it was like 50 cents to call around Christmas and you could hear a story about Santa and stuff like that. I used to beg and beg to call...I even think my folks gave in a few times.
Oh that was forever ago...lol.

Bolt

2008-11-17T06:02:00.000-08:00

On Saturday night after freezing my butt off at the U of M Game, Joe and I took his niece and nephew to see Bolt at the Imagine theater in 3-D. The original plan was to see High School Musical 3, but Noah (Joe's nephew) wasn't super stoked about it, so Emily did some research and saw that Bolt was playing. Hallelujah...I wasn't really into seeing High School Muscial 3 either.
The movie was totally cute, although predicatable, like most kids movies are. I really liked Mittens the cat and Rhino the hamster. Rhino...probably made the movie for me since he was so fat and cute. Disney did its part by throwing in some adult humor too. Cute movie. I would totally recommend it.
Did I mention...how awesome my boyfriend is? It was HIS birthday on Saturday and he took out his niece and nephew for dinner and a movie. I just love him...I think its so sweet that he so selfless sometimes.

PT or Nursing?

2008-11-17T05:54:00.000-08:00

On Friday we had our "rehab" experience at the hospital. I totally loved it. However, I have come to realize that maybe the reason that I loved it and the reason that I loved my extended care experience was because of the physical/occupational therapy part. I don't know why that area facinates me so much. Did I make the wrong choice with nursing? Should I have chosen PT? While I am completely and totally interested in PT, I know that I couldn't do the math/physics involved. Its just not in my brain. I can't wait to be done with school...I am seriously considering working on a Rehab unit.

Have a blessed day...

2008-11-11T13:04:00.000-08:00

Ok I am not racist by any means...but have you seriously ever heard a white person tell you to "have a blessed day"? I personally have never heard it. Do I look like I need to be blessed? What does "have a blessed day" mean anyway? Why do people feel the need to say it? I get from Cashier's and I got it from the payroll delivery guy today too, wtf?

Music Bumps

2008-11-10T07:26:00.000-08:00

I love music.
I love my Ipod.
I love when I am driving in my car and a song comes on and I get what I like to call "music bumps". Music bumps are goosebumps that get when certain songs come on. Its like i know that it is going to be so great that I shiver and get goosebumps. It is then followed by more goosebumps and the chills for a few seconds. I know it sounds completely weird, but I absolutely love it when that happens, even though I am chilly. I can't say I have ever experienced the "music bumps" by just listening to the radio...it always comes from a CD or my Ipod. I can pretty much guaranty that it will always happen to Depeche Mode's song Blue Dress or Butterfly by Jason Mraz.