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Sunday, March 23, 2008

Life in boxes

My life is slowly getting packed in boxes...lots of them.
It makes me sad to think about what these boxes contain, what they mean to me and what the once meant to both of us.
As I look at old photographs of when we were first married, I see it now. How young he was...how different he was. He doesn't even look like the same person, but I love him just the same, even if he broke my heart. That's just how I am, forgiving to a fault to those that I love and unforgiving to those who I don't.
As I pack up each box, I think about what lies ahead for me and right now as bleak as it seems, I do see light at the end of the tunnel. I see a flicker of what might be for me. I see the house with the beautiful garden and a swingset. I see a man who kisses my belly and talks to our unborn child. I see me being happy, in love, working as a nurse and enjoying life to its fullest everyday.
I think about these boxes, that will wait in storage for me. For my new life to begin...a year from now. When I walk across the stage at graduation and stay to myself "I MADE IT". And think to myself...I did without him. I did it with all of the great help from my friends and family. I did it by myself.
The one thing that these boxes do make me realize though right now is...I have a lot of things. Things that weigh me down, but I just can't throw them away, not just yet. They give me comfort, they give me hope and they give me strength. Most of all, they will be put away. Shelved in storage, where I won't have to think about them. I will only have what I need and I will hopefully have a clear head.

4 comments:

Kristi said...

Dude that makes me want to cry. I think both in understanding, sadness and happiness. The little picture you have painted in your mind hits hard. You will have the life you dreamed, because you are a doer. You're gonna be just fine I have no doubt. We all heart you so don't forget you're never alone!

Momma Twitch said...

Dude! I had no idea! I wish the best for you and your dreams. I know you can accomplish anything you put your mind to! You're in our prayers. I'm here if you ever need anything. :)

Chez said...

I'm with Kristi, I teared up. I've been thinking about ya girlie. Yano us whores are here even if it's only for comic relief. I hate it when people tell me things happen for a reason. Makes me want to choke them, but they do. You will bounce back and be better then ever!

Michelle said...

I'm with Kristi & Chez. You will be in my prayers.