Monday, August 31, 2009

Its 3 am...what do I want to eat?

Since starting midnights at my new job, I am having trouble figuring out this very question. I've eaten "dinner" before I went in at 11, I've eaten "lunch" sort of, if I get up early enough to have something before dinner. Breakfast...? Maybe, but what do you pack in a lunch box that is easy to nuke or have cold?
I have been sleeping all kinds of cooky hours trying to adjust to the hours of 11 to 7:30 am. I like the hours, but my days are getting screwed up. I go in on one day and end on another. I am constantly checking my watch and wondering what date it is, that I should be signing things with.
But still the question remains, what do I really want to eat at 3 am? On any other occassion I'd be longing for Taco Bell or Wendy's or some other place that is open late...but those nights are usually followed by a night of partying at the bar and not working. I've tried cereal, Easy Mac, muffins, sandwiches, left over pizza and pierogi's, but nothing seems to be what I WANT at that time. I hope I find something soon.

Sunday, August 30, 2009


So last week I was at the bar with some friends and I won at KENO!!!
A big win of sorts, a whooping $410 on the 1st draw that I played. It was so exciting. As I watched the numbers draw, I held my breath and sort of freaked after it was over. I couldn't believe it. I won. YAY...too bad I spent it already. Here is me and a pic of my winning ticket.

I had to go back to the bar the next day to collect my winnings because they don't keep that much on hand there to payout. It was worth the drive back up there the next day.

A last breath

Last night at work was the 1st, at what I am sure will be many, last breaths I will see someone take. On shift report, we expected the patient not to make it and at 1:35 am this morning, it was just that. Its kind of weird calling TOD (time of death) and it makes you feel a little authoritative in way (a weird way, but still).

I guess I expected to "feel" more about the whole situation, but I didn't. I am not sure if it was because we expected it to happen or it was just so peaceful that it didn't bother me. It was a peaceful death and I got to watch the "dying" process take place. I watched him breath short quick breaths and then none at all for 30-40 seconds.

The saddest part about the whole thing is that he was alone. I mean we were there, checking in on him and making sure he was comfortable, but no one that was important to him was there.

The creepiest part of the whole thing is that he died with his eyes open...and when I tried to shut them, they kept coming open again. He looked peaceful lying there. I am not sure what I felt him to feel like, but he was cold and clammy feeling, but there was warmth still in the crooks of his arms and legs.

I am sure if I see another one, it will be different circumstances, but this one wasn't too bad. Maybe this will help me get over my fear of seeing MY loved ones up at the casket. As I am coming to realize that death in most cases, is peaceful.

Friday, August 28, 2009

What Happened to them?

I was recently enlightened by the 2 weddings that I am going to in the next few days and I thought to myself what happened to MY bridesmaids and groomsmen? I mean chosing your wedding party is a BIG deal and at the time, it was an easy choice, but now, if I were to do it all over again, would I choose the same people?
Fortunately and probably unfortunately, I am an only child and wasn't obliged to have any of my family in the wedding. Not that I would mind this at all, but I am not that close with any of my cousins and I thought chosing my friends was best at the time. Out of the 3 bridesmaids that I had at my wedding, I only talk to one of them still. She is my BFF (even though we are weirdly not close like most BFF's are), a good friend that I made at summer camp so many years ago...when we were 12. The other 2 were great friends at the time, but have since changed their life's paths and we rarely talk at all due to not having things in common anymore. I talk with only one of the groomsmen and he's a good friend still, the funny part is he was a stand-in for someone else who backed out in the end.
I surveyed my married friends out of curiosity to see if they still are close with the people in their wedding party and 80% of them said that they weren't. I thought how weird! Why is this SUCH a big decision at the time and have no bearing years to come? Do we change that much after being married?

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

RIP Fat Cat...

Poor Fat Cat, aka, Not Nice (her actual name), Sherman, Chubby and Ol' Girl went to be with the lord on Monday night. She lived a long life for a cat...almost too long by most standards. In the end, she was blind, lost most of her weight and couldn't barely meow...her demanding mew anymore. Considering, that we got her when I was in tenth grade, that puts her at a ripe old age of 18!
In her younger years she was an outdoor cat, so the fact that she made it past 10 was pretty amazing. She was a good cat, but was VERY demanding. She loved everyone who didn't like cats and always tried to get their attention.

Come to think of it, she is the 1st pet that I've had to died at home. Most of our animals have been "put down", but Fat Cat was the 1st to die peacefully at home. My dad dug her a spot out in the back yard.
I'll miss her horrible dandruff, her demanding meow, her constant grazing at the food dish and her company. RIP fat cat, RIP. You are in a better place now ol' girl.

Friday, August 21, 2009


As I have begun my new job at the nursing home, ponder what happens to names.
As I walk from hall to hall and i see all of the names on the doors and they are all names that I don't hear them anymore. They are what I call "old people names", I'd list a few of them, but I fear that I'd be breaking privacy rules. Aside from that it makes me wonder, how does this cycle go?
When I am in my 80's will names like Amy, Jennifer, Heather, Kristi/Christy, Kelly, Melanie, Adam, Michael, Joseph, Steven, Brad, Karen and the names of many of my classmates, be obsolete? How does that happen? Do parents get tired of naming their kids after themselves or grandparents and the names just go away?
I mean, really when I have child someday, I am not likely to look at him/her and say aww, what a cute baby, he/she looks like a Laverne or Gary (my parents names respectively or Arthur or Lucille (my grandparents)). I suppose that is how names fall by the wayside.
I do smile each day as I walk the halls and look at the names of all of the residents. I am making a list in my head of all of the names that I don't hear anymore today. Maybe someday, they'll make a comeback.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Lessons in empathy

I'll be the 1st to admit that empathy is a hard thing to learn. It has taken me years to develop into who I am and I still have problems sometimes wanting to judge other people at 1st sight. It is really difficult to want to draw conclusions when I haven't even met someone just by what they look like. I am sure we are all at fault for this to some degree, but it doesn't make it right. What is it that makes us so judgemental or put off right away?

I was at work tonight and I had the perfect opportunity to right, a wrong for someone else. Not that it was my place, but because I just couldn't let it go for what it was. There was a table that came in tonight and admittedly, it 1st glance it was a bit shocking. The woman/girl had something physically wrong with her head. She had long hair pulled back into a ponytail, but on one side of her head, she was completelt bald. It was clearly obvious, that it was something that she had not done to herself, but likely something medically wrong with her.

Her waiter, a guy that I work with, is just a kid (he's 20) and not the most PC. He came back and kept on saying how disgusting this poor woman was. Now disgusting isn't the word that I would have chosen. And the more I thought about it, I didn't think that it was the word he should have used either. So I took the opportunity to tell him what I thought.

I decided to give him a lesson in empathy. I said Roman (the guys name), I am going to give you a lesson in empathy. He was like "empathy...I am guy I don't have that". I said, well guy or not, you could use a lesson. I explained to him how it bothered me that he used the word disgusting to describe the woman at his table. Also, that it was obvious that she didn't choose to look that way. For me, it might have been more appropriate to say...unfortunate, but NEVER disgusting. I went on further to encourage him to think about what he says and hope that it isn't him who has some disfigurement or problem that is visually obvious. Plus the fact that he was riled about the way she looked and pointed it out to everyone made it even worse.

I explained that the girl probably gets stares all of the time just by going out in public and his pointing it out to EVERYONE we work with didn't make it any easier for her. It is sad that we point out the obvious and make it more of spectical than it needs to be. Hopefully I changed his mind just a little and he'll think about it next time some else comes in.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

A night at Jason Mraz!

Last night was fun...but could have been better! I am not sure if it was the lame crowd around us, or what. I went with an old high school friend last night and saw Jason Mraz, who had G Love open for him. I absolutely love Jason Mraz, but it wasn't the best show ever, but it was still good.
I was so proud of myself in a funny, off kilter kind of way, for being able to smuggle in a pint of booze in my bra. I had just recently learned about this new phenomenon from my boyfriends sister when we went to Def Leppard and I decided to try it. It works like a charm ladies...i swear!
He did sing my new favorite song, called Butterfly in the encore. If you haven't listened to it, try it out. Its super sexy.

Friday, August 14, 2009

New job

Well my new job is going great...although I've only had orientation. I watched a lot of video on corporate compliance, med passing, falls and other HR stuff. It was a good 2 days! Each day though was supposed to be from 8 to 4, but I got out early both days which was nice.
The facility seems really nice and everyone is always "calm" when I have seen them. I am not sure if it is because they really all have their sh*t together or its just a really laid back place. It is so much different than what I have seen in the hospital from clinicals. At clinicals, there was always chaos...always something happening. THis place doesn't seem like that to me at all. I am wondering if it is because I have just been lucky...or its like that all of the time. I'll find out next week though for sure. I officially start on the floor on Tuesday at 7 am...ugh. I am VERY excited about it though, even though it is so early. It will be weird to be in a early morning pattern again, since I have been out of it for so long.
Buying scrubs was WAY fun. I realize that this makes me sound like an uber nerd, but it was regardless. We can wear gray scrubs, or white pants with printed tops. I bought a few of each so I can "mix" it up, lol. I'll post some pics soon with my new scrubs and my new build a bear that Joe got for me to celebrate my 1st week! He's such a keeper!

Thursday, August 6, 2009


Endlich!, that's German for finally!
I had a great interview today and was offered a position. I can't believe that I am finally going to be a registered nurse!
I was excited about the interview as soon as I pulled up to the facility. It was so nice and the lobby was pretty quiet, which too me was a good sign. There was no impending chaos, like yesterday.

Yesterday I had what was supposed to be an interview in da hood. I mean downtown, dirty Detroit, it was how should I say...a very colorful area. There was no parking that I could see at the facility, so I had to park on the street. As soon as I got out, I was asked for money. I locked, and rechecked to make sure my car was locked before I went in. I dunno what I would have done if I were stranded down there.
I ask for the lady I was supposed to meet and they were all a bit confused. Eventually, someone came out and gave me a stack of papers to start filling out (i kid you not, there was at least 40 pieces of paper in the application packet they gave me). Most of the stuff didn't apply, until you got hired so I skipped those. She came back out and was like...why do you want to work here? You are an RN, can't you get a job in the hospital? In my mind, I am thinking geez lady are you serious, do you think if I could get a job in a hospital I'd even be here. But I replied with a simple, "I am new grad". Well after filling out the papers, she said she'd call me for an interview, but I thought that was what I was there for? Bygone's...I was outta there, the whole place kind of gave me the creeps. She never did call...As I left, I was relieved to see that my car was still where I parked it and still had all of its tires. I was again asked for money from some random dude on the street in which I replied..."Sorry, dude, I am am here for a job interview". And I drove around the area, since I was in broad daylight and took it all in. I don't think I'll be going to that side of town again anytime soon.

Today's interview was fab. The place was great, the nurse that interviewed me was super nice and informative. She too was an OCC grad, so bonus points for me. She asked me all of the typical stuff, they like to ask and I was in the interview "zone" and was doing great. She gave me a tour of the facility. It was clean, busy and no one was just hanging out in the hallways. She said she'd recommend me for the position and that she needed to speak with HR. HR came out and also said that they would like to hire me as well, but they'd have to do a reference check 1st and that they'd call me. So 2 hours later, they called with the great news and offered me a position! I start next week with orientation, I can't wait!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Hanging in the balance

Why does it always feel like my life is hanging in the balance?
It feels like it is ALWAYS something. Something I am waiting for. Something holding me back from my next step.
Well right now, it is finding a RN job. It was supposed to be easy...or easier right after I was licensed. But sadly, that is not the case. Just for shits and giggles today I have looked at all of the area hospitals and counted the number of positions I have applied for. At one hospital was 35 different jobs. No call backs ever...just a friendly email (only sometimes too) that says, pursuing other candidiates. Why won't ANYone hire me?
My resume is on monster, careerbuilder and hotjobs. I look at craigslist and area hospitals daily. I even went to a few places in person and filled out their 5 page applications (which can be summed up nicely by my resume, but I get a handcramp filling them out). No calls, no one wants me...i am getting depressed.
If I could just get a few interviews face to face, I know I'd get in. Sadly, you seem to have to "know" someone to get even that, and I don't. So I wait...and get more frustrated by the day. I hope something comes along soon.