Clean house, Clean mind

So I have been cleaning the house like a mad woman lately. I swear if I were pregnant people would tell me that I am nesting. But in light of it all, I feel so accomplished. I love that I have single handedly reduced the amount of clutter that we have. The bitch about it all, is that it takes so much to upkeep. I am the number one culprit of leaving stuff laying around it is so hard to stop for a second and put it AWAY or throw it away.
I love coming home and not HAVING to do anything, but relax. I can read a book if I chose, take a nap, go to the gym, scrap, tend to my garden or just chill. How am I going to keep the house this way? Don't get me wrong, its not like we live in dirty conditions or anything, but there is always stuff everywhere. The majority of our STUFF has gone down to the basement or in a cabinet or a drawer. I like being organized. I feel like there is less clutter in my head now too.
Now...I have to train my husband to keep it that way!

Get it out of me already...

Ok maybe it is psychological, but maybe it isn't. Ever since I went to the ER last week and found that I had Gallstones. I just want to get it out.
It gonna be more trouble that its worth! Last night I was awoken out of dead sleep and felt like a golfball was lodges underneath my ribcage. Not only that, but I wanted to puke so bad, but couldn't. I hate when all you ever want to do is barf and the task seems impossible. UGH.
I don't meet with the surgeon until the 13th and I supposed that it will not be scheduled until about a week or 2 after that. Man, I need my nights back. Cut me open and get that sucker outta there!

Confession of a Shopaholic...with a Credit Card Problem

So last night I decided that it was time to have confessions of a Shopaholic with my husband last night. The stress of having a credit card was more than I could handle and I needed an intervention...so I staged one for myself. I imagine if I were catholic, it would kind of be the same thing. I had to confess all of my charging and shopping sins and pay the price. We are living the American dream...debt! Well the stress was eating away at me cuz I felt like we weren't getting anywhere...DUH, when you use your cards how do you expect to get ahead. Well have months and months of paying them and not feeling like I was getting anywhere. I confessed my sins and gave all of my cards to my hubby and told him to do whatever he felt necessary. I heard the clip, clip of them as he snipped them into pieces and listened tearfully as they fell into the wastebasket.
I wasn't upset because he cut them, I was more upset because I felt embarrassed about the whole thing. Embarrassed that I preach to him about paying the bills, but managed to run up the cards that I have. Embarrassed that I needed to tell him I need help. Embarrassed that I can't control myself with shopping sometimes.
Now that the cards have gone in the garbage...I have opted to start fresh. I created an excel spreadsheets and labeled it Amy's get out of debt plan. I calculated all of the income I expect to receive on a monthly basis and divided it up accordingly. I've even managed to save a little with my plan. Now the tough part...sticking to it! I can do this...I HAVE to do this or there will never be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Feeling out of place...

So Chris and I went to Chicago on Friday for his annual company work party. Its a semi-formal affair and people usually dress up in suits/ties and the ladies usually were their little black dress or some form of a dress like that. This year the party was at the Ritz Carleton (fancy schmancy) and it was fun. The food was fabulous and the after dinner entertainment was very....well entertaining. Selective Recall the fabulous 80's cover band was very fun to watch. All down to the white blazers and back combed hair, it was pretty fun.

Well if you haven't been to Chicago, you should know that bars there close at 4 am (a nice change i might add), so after the party we decided that we wanted to go to a bar. I wasn't much in a mood of changing out of my party clothes, so my hubby, myself and another friend of ours Paul all went dressed as is. Everyone else changed into something more comfortable, which was most jeans. We all decided to meet a place called the Broken Bottle to see this great LIVE band that was playing. We hop in a taxi and tell him take us to the broken bottle please...and he says "are you sure you wanna go there"? **that should have been our 1st clue, but we said yes let's go. So $20 later in a cab and $12 cover we're in like flynn. Well lemme just tell you, I was so out of place. This club was freakish city. I looked like June Cleaver at a Rave (pearls and all). THe music we paid $12 for was much less than desired (if you are into screechy electronica, you'd love it). I felt like I was getting stared at like I am sure the freaky dressed peeps do everyday. How funny that I was on THEIR turf. All in all the badness of the music and the drunkness of my friends, made the night enjoyable.


On the way home we even managed to cram 7 people in a cab. Even better, the cabbie was like sure I'll take you all. Oh crazy times. I was beat at around 2 am and the rest of our friends went to another bar...i wonder what happened. I was totally reading the back of my eyelids.

I am so ready for summer

So I've been doing weight watchers for about a month now and i started out really well, as I do with most things that I start and then I fizzle. I was doing great with the journaling and keep track of everything I put in my mouth. The results were fabulous; I lost 8.2 pounds. Now I am getting lax with myself, not tracking myself as diligently as I should and I feel like I am freaking hungry all of the time. A lot of it is my job. I am bored eater, I know I am bored eater and lately there hasn't been crap to do at work, so I keep eating. I am also a huge sugar craver. I want it all of the time. I have tried all of the gimmicky things (and scientific proof things) that say if you don't eat it for 2 weeks you won't crave it anymore. Well that is a huge bunch of BS. Cuz no matter what I do, I will always choose chocolate or any sugary candy type of thing over another. So how do I live in harmony? Is there a way? Honestly I had found my ideal lifestyle when I lived in Germany a number of years ago. I lost 30 pounds in 5 months and I ate candy or some sugary thing everyday!! What the heck is wrong with the foods that we have here? Why can I not lose the weight I need to lose. Why is this so fricking hard!!

I am so ready for summer. I am/will be more active once it warms up. I like going for walks after work and taking in all of the fresh air. I love scouting the neighborhood and looking at how people have decorated their lawns and houses. Now if this crappy ass Michigan weather would cooperate, I might be making some progress. Ugh. I could become one of those Mall Walker people, but then that would only coerce my spending issues. Come on mother nature....help me out here I am waiting!

I am ever...

So holiday's are always a treat. I love seeing my family and hanging out with them. I also like hanging out with Chris' family too, as long as his step dad isn't around. So after I visited my grandparents and Chris got off of work we headed up to his Grandma's.

I swear every time I hold baby Bella I want to cry. I think about how their (my BIL and GF) crazy life, should be mine. I don't think Chris will ever know or understand how much I want to have a baby. Every time I hear about another cousin or someone else having a baby, I want to breakdown. The problem is tho', that as much as I want a baby, I don't know if my "life" is ready to accept it. My heart is ready...but am I? I would think that my overwhelming emotion that arises when I see a couple walking a baby down the street would be the ultimate clue...but I am not sure. Chris' grandma unknowingly stuck a knife in me when she told me that "kelly" is pregnant again...ugh I hate hearing that. Of course we (chris and I) were the 1st one's to be married and it was expected that we'd have the 1st baby (which is what I thought too), but sadly that isn't the case. We've been together almost 5 years and with each year I feel like we aren't getting any closer to being ready. I know in my heart I am ready...but I am scared too.

The older I get and the longer Chris says he's not ready, makes me freak a little. It would be nice to live a carefree life with no children and to be able to do all of the things that we'd love to do, but something about it makes me feel empty. Like something is missing...and I am not whole. I NEED to be needed by someone or something. I light up everyday when I come home and my kitties greet me at the door. They adore me and they NEED me and I love it. I know it is weird, but I need them to need me. I need to feel like I have a purpose. I need to feel like I am the "whole" of someone Else's world. Boy do I sure sound needy!

I want to be a great mom someday. I will be a great mom someday.

The slowest week ever...

I have no idea if there is something astrologically going on, but this has been the longest week ever! Ugh and its only F'ing Wednesday! I sit here all day at work and look at the clock and think omg I am going to die here...sitting in this chair. I usually amuse myself with my chat buddies or Online games, but there has been so much office traffic that I am getting too clicky clicky and my online game buddies get impatient. I feel like I am getting all stir crazy sittin' here. And when it has been as bad as it has been, I want to eat everything in site. What good are 2 pt snacks, when I wanna eat the whole box?