A last breath

Last night at work was the 1st, at what I am sure will be many, last breaths I will see someone take. On shift report, we expected the patient not to make it and at 1:35 am this morning, it was just that. Its kind of weird calling TOD (time of death) and it makes you feel a little authoritative in way (a weird way, but still).

I guess I expected to "feel" more about the whole situation, but I didn't. I am not sure if it was because we expected it to happen or it was just so peaceful that it didn't bother me. It was a peaceful death and I got to watch the "dying" process take place. I watched him breath short quick breaths and then none at all for 30-40 seconds.

The saddest part about the whole thing is that he was alone. I mean we were there, checking in on him and making sure he was comfortable, but no one that was important to him was there.

The creepiest part of the whole thing is that he died with his eyes open...and when I tried to shut them, they kept coming open again. He looked peaceful lying there. I am not sure what I felt him to feel like, but he was cold and clammy feeling, but there was warmth still in the crooks of his arms and legs.

I am sure if I see another one, it will be different circumstances, but this one wasn't too bad. Maybe this will help me get over my fear of seeing MY loved ones up at the casket. As I am coming to realize that death in most cases, is peaceful.