Stop and get off of the roller coaster

So what is the deal! I have been going to school for 3 months and I can't stop thinking about even though I am done with the semester. I swear it feel a little anxious. I worry and think about things I should be doing, even though I have no homework or books to read. Its like I just CAN'T sit still. My mind is a buzz about about care plans, patients and medical terminology. When I do sit for a moment, it just doesn't feel right. I am paranoid that I missing something, something that I forgot to do like oh crap, was I supposed to watch a technique video or whatnot. It is super annoying.

FemPop Day

My mind is still buzzing thinking about the awesome day that I had yesterday! Our nursing instructors arranged for us to go down to the OR and see what is going on. I got to witness a Femoral Popliteal Bypass Surgery standing a foot from the table! It was so cool.
For all of you that are not familiar with the human body, I've included a diagram of the leg. The femoral artery starts around your hip and the popliteal starts by your knee. We were sent down to the OR at 7:30 for some orientation and met a wonderful lady named Sharon! She was the best, it was clear that she loves what she does and loves to teach. She was a great help to all of us.
The 1st order of business...change into Surgical Scrubs...the green one like seen on TV and we had to put on one of those bonnet caps. We looked so professional!
2nd order of business...a tour of the place. We saw the in and out of the OR. I was amazed at the size difference in a regular OR room compared to that of a Cardiac OR room. Not only was there a huge size and equipment difference, but a huge difference in temperature as well. Brrr....they keep the Cardiac rooms chilly.
3rd order of business...what kind of surgeries were we all going to see? Out of the group of 6 students, I was the only one that was not hankering to see an Open Heart Surgery (I'd love to see one, but as my 1st experience, I didn't think I could handle that just yet). The other 5 students drew numbers and 2 of them got to get in on the open heart. I got the Fem-Pop.
Before entering the room in my fancy surgical scrubs, I had to wear a mask. There was no need to be gloved, since I was just in there for observation. I started out about 2 foot from the table and couldn't see much of what was going on. So after about 10 minutes, I grabbed a platform and scooted in closer so I could get a look a what was going on.
My eyes got all wide watching the 1st cut on the leg (which was right above the knee), it cut just like butter. Then he (the surgeon) used a large clamp like thingy and spread open the skin and boom he was inside the leg, look for the popliteal artery. I thought he wasn't ever going to get there, it looked as if his whole hand was inside of her leg digging around. There wasn't as much blood as I thought there would be.
After he found the artery, he snipped it and clamped it off. He did some repairs to it to try and free the blockage. He decided that he would need an artificial graft to re-route the artery.
Then he move up the leg to the groin and made an incision there as well. After snipping and clipping away, he made it to the artery. This artery I could actually see because the surgical students/interns heads weren't in my way...I must say it looked nothing like I had imagined it. It kind of looked like a rubber tube. When he snipped that one, blood was gushing out of it like a squirt gun...with every pulse it spurted up about 3 to 4 inches...then they clamped that off too. He went to work on clearing that artery as well. Once he was finished he went back down to the knee.
He attached a graft to the artery, which to me looked like a bendy straw...except the whole thing was like a the bendy part. It had like ridges in it, almost resembling a telephone cord too. He stitched it to the artery and then went back up to the groin with a long metal wand. The wand looked like those really long knife sharpening tools that chefs use in restaurants. He went in her groin and "tunneled" all of the way down to her knee (that was the only part that made my heart skip a beat). He then attached the already attached graft to the rod and pulled it up under the skin (actually under the adipose tissue and the muscle I believe) and then attached it to the other artery with stitches as well.
The nurse then brought over a Doppler and we listened for blood flow. It sounded like the whoosh whoosh of baby heart beat ultrasound, but WAY louder. Then the surgeon left, he left the student/intern close her up. She had 3 layers of inner stitches and then staples. At that point I had been standing on my little stool for 2.5 hours and I had to go to lunch...they were just starting to stitch up the upper leg when I left. I wish I could have seen the patient after recovery.
It was such a cool day! I am so glad I had to opportunity to see such a thing.

Turkey Smurky

AH Thanksgiving....
This year it will be at our house for the 1st time ever. I am so afraid, I've never cooked a Turkey. Good thing, this was Chris' idea and he's gonna cook the turkey. I'll handle the simple stuff like yams (gross) and green bean casserole.

Looks like we might have a few orphans this year at our house. I can't imagine not having a family around to go to. Not that I mind in the least having people over, I just think it'd be sad to not have any family nearby. The more the merrier I say. Come hang out with the crazy Polacks!

Chris decided that after dinner we will watch some Christmas movies. I hope Elf makes the cut, it is one of my favorites of all time. It will be SO weird to not have to go ANYWHERE on a holiday...i just don't know what I am gonna do with myself.

I am an addict

Ok, maybe it is time for me to admit that somewhere down there, I have an addictive personality. I've been denying it for years, but I am an addict.
My latest addiction, which is turning into an ugly monster is fafarazzi. Its like fantasy football with celebrities. You draft them and trade them when they aren't scoring you many points. I had read about it on a news blurb a while back and decided to check it out. Man oh man, is it addicting. The desire to win my league is what motivates me, if I am not in at keast 4th place, I keep messing with my team to get a higher score. Now before all of this fafarazzi business, I wasn't very interested at all in the lives of celebrities. But now I can tell you who's in jail, who's got a DUI, who's having a baby and who is getting together. And whether I want to admit it or not, I can tell you all about the ups and down of brittney spears. She is such a train wreck. Sadly, i can't manage my time well enough to do household chores, but I can park my hiney in front of my computer to check my fafa teams everyday....how sad is that!

Stressed out to the max...

So I would consider myself a pretty tough cookie. I generally roll well with the punches and shrug things off. But I am super duper frustrated with school.

Last week we started our Acute Care Clinical rotation and it was tough. So tough that on my 2nd day, I cried all of the way home and wanted to quit. I know, that's so not like me. Which is exactly why it is so hard. I feel so unprepared to even be in the hospital. I feel like I haven't learned any skills and that I am just plain old lost.

So here is how my crappy ass day went. Our 1st day at the hospital was Thursday. We got oriented to the hospital, out instructors and to the floor that we'd be working on. It was all talk talk talk so it was pretty tiring. After lunch, were assigned our patients for the next "2" days. Awesome. Right away I began the work that I needed to complete. I looked through my patients chart and gathered all of the info that I needed to get familiar with him. I had even begun to think about what I was going to go for a care plan. I went in to meet him and it was all good. He couldn't speak, so I couldn't get any info from him. It was going to be strictly me and the charts, no problem, I could had that. We only had about an hour or so to look at the charts and gather the information. I got the bulk of what I needed, I could get the rest the next day.

Well surprise, surprise....I am the only person out of our group of 6 that's patient left the floor. On Friday morning, I was assigned a new patient, I had to start all over from scratch.

Ok cool, I can handle that. Starting over from scratch, no big deal. Deep breath, dive into the chart. New patient, not as many issues as the last one I had, so its looking good. Strike 2...my new patient has already received AM Care (bed bath, changing the sheets, oral care), my instructor gives me another patient to do that for. I am supposed to gather my supplies and meet her in the room. I feebly attempt to get some info on this patient...I don't even know his name or why he's there. Well she's rushing me because we are on a tight schedule and I go in pretty much blindly. Lucky me (and lucky her I might add), I get paired up to do this AM care with another girl who has absolutely no experience (just like me). Mind you, there are 4 other people in our group who all work in a patient care settings, but that's cool pair up the two "green" girls who have absolutely no idea what they are doing, we will do the best we can. We gather up our stuff and we start our care. Surprise patient is roughly 300 lbs, short of breath, has an NPO (no food) tag on his door. NPO?, I think, why does he have a breakfast tray? I ask the nurse and she says its OK for him to have food.

We do the bath to the best of our abilities. He can't lift his leg for us to soak his feet, he can turn for us to wash his back, he's breathing so heavily I was starting to get nervous. Surprise, we roll him, he has a fecal back and it is leaking all over the place. Argh...now what do we do. We get our instructor and he helps turn him so I can clean him up (now its not pleasant to clean up a person, but it really doesn't bother me). Well i was expecting a bed bath, not to have to use 20 wash clothes to quite literally clean up all of that poop. I definitely wasn't prepared. When the instructor came in she was all disappointed with us. We weren't doing the bath properly, we didn't have the soiled linen bag prepared, we didn't have all of the answers she wanted. Now it was time to change his bed which became another task. I didn't have the bed high enough to use proper body mechanics (but I did, my instructor is like a foot taller than me) , I didn't use proper asepsis (clean technique) and I didn't know how to change a gown with an IV. I KNOW how to change a gown with an IV, but not an IV that is running through an infusion pump. Finally we got out of that guys room. The PCA comes by and reminds me that I need to get rid of the soiled linen. Ooops! I put it in the wrong room. I put it out for the garbage, not for the soiled linen. No biggie, I go garbage picking and put it where it needs to go.

Huge SIGH!!!

Now I can get to MY own patient. I go in to see her, she's totally zonked out. I try to wake her, but she's not responding. I tell her that I need to get get vitals (like she can hear me) and I proceed with getting them. Not too bad. I had to get her temperature under her arm, because she was not awake/alert enough for me to get it orally. While she's sleeping I do my baseline assessment to the best of my ability. I get about 80% of it done, I can get the rest when she's awake. I report to my instructor the vitals and she has me contact the nurse for my patient because she has a fever. I find him and we go in the room. She's still zonked out, but we (actually, he the RN) needed to do a neurological check on her. She shook her arm, poked her in the chest to get her to awake up. After a few very "rough" tries, she was wearily awake. So response to any questions except her name...which was VERY hard to understand. I watch him do the neurocheck and then get pulled away from my patient to go help another student do her AM care on her patient. I reported my vitals to my instructor and got grilled on why I didn't take the temp orally. Duh...I can't get my patient to open her mouth!

Good news, he's not 300 lbs, but he only has one leg, can't talk and can't move his right side. We can handle this. We get our supplies ready and in walks the RN and she needs to do the IV change...do do do do, we wait 15 minutes for then to get all of their stuff done and we can finally begin. It going well, no issues. We are doing a bath like we learned in the lab. But of course, there is a problem...of course there is a problem. He has a brief and its full. I never learned how to change a brief so I have no idea how is the best way to do it. Poor guy has 2 amateurs that have no clue working on him. We undo the brief and we can't get it off, the tape is sticking to his skin. So now we are all concerned about his skin because that one of the biggest issues we've learned about in class. We don't want to pull too hard and tear his skin, but we can't get this sucker off. We HAVE to find SOMEONE that can help us. Hooray, we find a nurse to come to our rescue and help is out. But alas, our troubles aren't over, we start making his bed and we can't get the sheets to go on. Now the patient is getting irritated and we are feeling defeated. We both want to cry. And surprise...here comes our instructor its time for lunch and we need to hurry. I make light of the situation with the patient and tell him that he'll have a story to tell about the two dumb blonde's that can't even make his bed. He smiles and it makes me feel better.

Finally with a lot of muscle, we tug and pull the sheets on and get the bed made. We thank the patient for being so agreeable and we promise not to bug him anymore for a few hours.

Hallelujah....its lunchtime. HUGE SIGH!!!

After lunch its back at it. I need to get vitals again. I go in and my patient is now awake. Poor thing is so confused. I smile at her and ask her if I can get her temperature. She nods her head yes...but I can't get her to open her mouth. I try for 10 minutes asking her and demonstrating what I want her to do, but she's not responding. So I go for the underarm again. I report my finding to my instructor and again I get grilled about the axillary temp reading. Do you think if I could have gotten the temp orally, I would have? Then I could save myself the BS, from you that I am going to have to listen to. She then asks me if I've moved my patient. No...I say, she's been just about comatose all day and you didn't want us to do a transfer without you there. She gives me that disappointed look again, GRRR. So we go into to move her and the patient just keeps saying, Ms., Ms, that hurts, like 50 times. I swear that was the only time I heard her talk all day and clearly for that matter. So as my instructor is pushing and pulling her, she keeps saying how badly it hurts. We roll her so I can see the ulcers she has on her back and she has a full brief. Hallelujah we were in a time crunch, so I just had to tell the PCA. But we didn't end up even turning the patient at all because it hurt her. It was about time for the day to be over and all we had left was post conference.

I cried all the way home, I felt so defeated. I hope it gets better and easier.

Gays doing Karoke

So I got off work early on Friday night and called up my friend Juston. He usually bowls on Friday night in a Gay league, so I figured that I'd likely be able to catch him hanging out up there. He texted me and said that his league was almost over and that he'd be hanging out there for a while for Karaoke. He was like you can totally sing Karaoke with me...and I was like Um no...I can make fun of you singing Karaoke!
Well after the league ended the bar was filled with a myriad of lesbo mullets, manly chicks, a cross dresser and some very flaming gays. Well who knew gay Karaoke would be such a big hit. Many of the singers even got back-up dancers for their songs. It looked like Gladys Knight and the Gays. Everyone was very supportive of everyone else and there was lots of hooting and hollering. One guy even changed the words to Darling Nikki, to Darling Jason, lol.
After a while Juston and I decided to play Erotic Photo Hunt on the Megatouch machine (we of course were using pictures of dudes!). We never did cover the top 1st place spot, but we were close. It was fun.

Who knew I'd have so much fun!!!

So today was my 2nd day at the nursing home for clinical rotation. I HAD A BLAST!!! I never thought in a million years that I'd ever actually say I enjoyed myself while I was there, but I did.
The day started off kind of slow. I went to check on my assigned client for the day and she was a sleepy and not very responsive. We had met yesterday breify and I told her that I would be coming by today to work with her. As I went in I brought her, her breakfast tray and asked her if she needed any helo with anything and she said "no", kinda of sternly, but not offensive. So I let her eat breakfast in peace and let her get dressed. Well while I was waiting for her to get ready, I offered to help deliver breakfast trays to other rooms. Well I only got to deliver one tray. I went into a room and brought Mr. "D" his breakfast. He was awake, but not quite ready to get up. He didn't want his breakfast, he wanted to talk. So I stayed with him and talked with him for a while. He gave me the abridged version of his life and then asked me a bunch a question about myself and why I wanted to become a nurse. He seemed happy, but lonely. He said that he has no appetite and all they feed him in this place is "old people food", which made me chuckle. I slid him his bowl of raisin bran and said..."you can't go wrong with raisin bran, how is that old people food"? We laughed and he said he liked cereal alright, but he was not gonna eat thos gross eggs! I found him to be very enjoyable to talk with, I wished I had more time to talk with him. I hope he is there when I go back next week. I just made myself my 1st new friend for the day and it was only 8 am.
I checked back in my patient for the day and she was up and ready to go. I offered to make her bed and accepted graciously. After that was done, she had a question about how to use her cell phone and I helped her program the numbers in it that she needed. Then we were down to business. She wanted to know what the plan for today was. So I explained to her what I wanted to do with her and asked her if it was OK. She was totally cool with it all. I looked over her chart yesterday and just had some holes in some of my paperwork that I needed to get answered. She answered all of my questions with great detail and was very friendly. THen she let the whole class and my instructor come in and watch "me" do her vital signs and baseline assessment. As we were wrapping up the OT gal came in to take her to therapy.
We were just wrapping up with taking Blood pressure and she had all kinds of wonderful tips for us and explained everything is great detail about what we should and shouldn't do. She went over the skin assessment with us told us things we might have missed.
I went with her down to the PT/OT room and it was jammed packed!! I'd say most of the residents in the place were going in there for some sort of rehab. It was very cool. They made her lift weights, stand and rotate a hula hoop through her hands and then made her manipulate a bunch of silly putty to get all kind of "hidden" items out of it. The therpist was awesome and explained to me why she was having JC (my lady) do all of those things. JC was in this place because she had just had a left hip replacement about 10 days ago. She's 78. This is her 2nd hip replacement, she had the other one done about 8 years ago. While she was doing her exercised we chatted about her life and I asked her all kinds of questions. We talked about travel and all of the places we've been. She told me that if she was confident enough that she could get back in the boat, she wanted to go white water rafting again! I thought it was very cool.
She has made some friends in the home and I was chatting with them as well. I learned about their ages, why they were there and I even got to speak some German with one of them. By the time I left PT (JC was still working out), I had made myself 3 more friends that day.
After lunch, we basically focused on paperwork, which was fairly easy to complete. A couple of the other students didn't get a chance to perform a baseline assessment on their clients because they either refused, or they had other appointments for the day. My instructor thought that it was pretty important for the others to have an opportunity to do a baseline, so I went into the rooms of each of my new "friends" and asked them for permission to let another student do their baseline assessment. They happily agreed.
It was a great day, I almost wish I was going back tomorrow .

Things I should be doing...

I of course have a million different things I SHOULD be doing right now. Alas...I don't feel like it. I have a paper to write, laundry to do, an exam to study for, a house to clean, dishes to do, dinner to cook, grocery shopping to do, cats to feed and I am not accomplishing anything.
It feels like my life is a big blur as of late. I am dragging myself in 100 different directions and not really ending up anywhere. I am overwhelmed, yet enjoying the craziness of it all. I am proud of myself for being to handle everything that its thrown at me, but sad because I HAVE no life. LOL. I need some me time...some sleepy time and just some plain ol' time in general.
Only 9 more weeks until I can breathe...and then Christmaspalooza begins.

Sleepy head, spinning and hair did

So I started working a 2nd job and I've been doing it for a few weeks now. Its been great, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE waiting tables. The problem is sleeping....I am just hella tired! I can't seem to catch up. I am always running around in a million directions it seems and can't get ANYthing done. I need a good few solid days of quiet and a nice dark room to catch some well needed ZZZ's.

For the past few days I've been feeling off kilter. I feel all spinny and lightheaded almost. If I move my eyes too fast to look at something I feel like I am going to fall over. And if I am walking around, I can barely stay in a straight line...I think I have vertigo. I wish it would just go away.

Lastly...I gots my hair did last night. I eventually want to be able to get a pony tail that is all the same length when I pull it back, but til then. I had it stacked in the back and longer in the front...I'd say I've got a reverse mullet.

I've been tagged...

Here are the fours:
Jobs I've had:
1. Waitress @ a coney island
2. Assistant Manager @ a pizza joint
3. Escrow Officer @ a title company
4. Office manager @ a HVAC company

Movies I could watch over and over:
1. Stand by Me
2. The Sound of Music
3. Love Actually
4. Grease

TV Shows I watch:
1. Suvivor
2. America's Next Top Model
3. Weeds
4. Ugly Betty

Places I've lived:
1. Rochester Hills, MI
2. Seattle, WA
3. Munich, Germany
4. Oak Park, MI

Favorite Foods:
1. Pizza (with ham and pineapple)
2. Stir Fry
3. Cereal (golden grahams, cherrios, fruity pebbles, captain crunch,
4. Stove Top Stuffing

Colors:
1. Pink
2. Orange
3. Black
4. Gray

Places I'd love to be now:
1. Sleeping in my bed
2. On a tropical vacation
3. Scrapbooking
4. Spending some QT with hubby

Names I like, but would not use for my children:
1. Slade
2. Faith
3. Jezebel
4. Christian

Now I am tagging...
No one, cuz all my whores have been tagged already

HELP, HELP, I feel like Angelina

I hate when you go to the Dentist and they give you shots and you can't feel your face. I just got back from getting 2 fillings and I can't even feel my nostrils. When I smile only 1/2 of my face moves....I feel like a stroke patient. My lips feel like they are huge like Angelina's. Which in any other case, I wouldn't bother me to have nice sexy pout, but I couldn't even enjoy it.
I stopped by the drug store and got some soda and I can't even tell that I am drinking it...slurp slurp, as I check my shirt for dribbles. Tastes good, but I can't even tell. It reminds me of the day I had my wisdom teeth out. My mom asked me what I wanted to eat, since I was still numb and couldn't feel any pain. So what does my dumb ass pick? A bagel...I could have chewed off my lip and wouldn't have even know. Next time...I think soup would be a better option.
ACK...I hate the Dentist.

How is it all gonna end

So we were having a semi-discussion in chat yesterday about the world ending and it got me thinking. Thinking about what I really think is gonna happen. Here's my take:
I think that despite the common consensus, we are gonna be around to see it happen. If we don't, then we are likely to have fallen victim to some other type of "natural disaster", so that's why we aren't around to see it.
I am thoroughly convinced that depending on how long we live, we are all going to get some type of cancer. Sometimes, it might kills us, sometimes, it will just kick our asses.
I do believe that with the increasing amount of craziness in the world, something is going to happened to all of us. Like we'll burn up because its gets so darn hot. Or we'll turn into savages that fight over a piece of fruit. Or we'll all drown because the lands flood. Whatever it is, it freaks me out a little and gets me thinking. Should I start hoarding canned foods? Should I start hoarding bottled water? And if I do, why would I want to live anyway? If the world is ending, what is there to live for? So I can get battered by a hurricane or swept away by a flood. No wonder there are so many crazy's in the world. Maybe the right things to stock up on would be Prozac and alcohol.
The thought of it all makes me nervous about having kids? Do I really want to bring kids into this craziness? Can I make a difference in all of the wrongs we have done to make it seem better than it already is? Don't get me wrong, I REALLY want to have kids, but the thought of all of the world ending makes me afraid for them.

Listen to the rhythm

of the pouring rain...for like 4 days now. Our lawns are in some serious/desperate need of water, but this gloom is getting pretty depressing. I have no motivation...I just want to sleep. I hate driving in the rain, especially when its dark. I can't see for shit, my wiper blades are a total piece of crap. People drive like total tards when it rains. Man I am bitter today.
The good news is my fried crispy lawn, might actually turn green. The bad news is...then I'll have to mow.

So I had an bizarro interview yesterday afternoon. I am in a serious need of a waiting table job and I have been sending out my resume all over the place. So I saw a place listed on Craigslist this weekend and I sent my resume. I called yesterday to see if they had gotten it and the guy says maybe...can you come in for an interview. So I go (left work early too), I fill out an application. The guy looks at it, asks me if I have a job and I say yes. I am an office manager of a heating and cooling company. Well...ok he says, I'm really busy, if I don't call you by Thursday...call me back.
It was so weird. So what if I have another job, if I didn't need this one I wouldn't be applying...duh. It was just really random and weird. Not that I still wouldn't like to work there, because I really would. I think it would be great. So really, in a nutshell, my interview really wasn't an interview at all. I just filled out an application. I hope they call me.

Everyone wants to be recognized...

But seriously do you need to be recognized every time you do something that you should be doing? I am talking about my hubby here, he cracks me up. Every time he does some housework, its like he thinks he needs a prize. Just last week we FINALLY cleaned up his work area in the basement that has all of his tools and miscellaneous junk. Well its on the opposite side of the basement and it took me a few days to notice, but when I did, I was like nice work on the area in the basement. He was all like, I was wondering when you'd notice. ROFL.
We had company for dinner last week (it was his invite) and he was off work all day before they came over. So he picked up the house. First thing when I walk in the door...did you notice how clean the house is? Yeah nice job, do you want a cookie? You did some housework...welcome to the club. Do you seriously expect to be recognized every time you vacuum or clean the toilet?
It cracks me up. It slips my mind I guess, because it seems so menial.
I do like to be praised for the great job I did on my organizing the basement or for how wonderful I've made the flower beds look. But I don't expect anything when I do the dishes or clean the bathroom...its part of life, its part of owning a house.

I am a human pin cushion!

So I have all kinds of crap that I have to get done before I start nursing school. Today's fun task was getting a physical and immunizations. They drew like 6 vials of blood, I got a shot in my left deltiod, a shot in my right deltoid and then another in my forearm. Man oh man, I am human pun cushion. I am so happy that they said I'd be sore tomorrow, I can't wait!
Oh but it'll all be worth in the end!

Speedy Recovery...I can't believe it

So its been just a little over a week since I had my Gall Bladder removed and I can't believe how great I feel. I mean seriously...how the heck can I heal so fast?! I am not complaining in the least, but it sure makes me wonder about how fascinating the human body is and how advanced surgeries have become. I was a skeptic when I 1st got home, because I felt like total crap and my abs felt like I had done a million sit-ups. I was super bloated and looked like I was about 6 months PG. Everything is getting back to normal now tho', which is fabulous. I really want to get my ass back to the gym, but the Dr. said 3 weeks! Blah, I feel fine! I guess I could go and walk on the treadmill...at least I'd feel like I was getting something done.
I've taken all of the tape off of my "holes" and now I have rash. It itches like crazy, thank goodness for Benadryl cream or I'd scratch my belly off. I swear I had to look like a total goon when I was shopping at the grocery yesterday. It was itching so bad that and I was walking around with my buggy scratching my belly, so nonchalantly of course. I felt so primal. Anyway, I am glad that it is healing quickly...yet it still amazes me.

Clean house, Clean mind

So I have been cleaning the house like a mad woman lately. I swear if I were pregnant people would tell me that I am nesting. But in light of it all, I feel so accomplished. I love that I have single handedly reduced the amount of clutter that we have. The bitch about it all, is that it takes so much to upkeep. I am the number one culprit of leaving stuff laying around it is so hard to stop for a second and put it AWAY or throw it away.
I love coming home and not HAVING to do anything, but relax. I can read a book if I chose, take a nap, go to the gym, scrap, tend to my garden or just chill. How am I going to keep the house this way? Don't get me wrong, its not like we live in dirty conditions or anything, but there is always stuff everywhere. The majority of our STUFF has gone down to the basement or in a cabinet or a drawer. I like being organized. I feel like there is less clutter in my head now too.
Now...I have to train my husband to keep it that way!

Get it out of me already...

Ok maybe it is psychological, but maybe it isn't. Ever since I went to the ER last week and found that I had Gallstones. I just want to get it out.
It gonna be more trouble that its worth! Last night I was awoken out of dead sleep and felt like a golfball was lodges underneath my ribcage. Not only that, but I wanted to puke so bad, but couldn't. I hate when all you ever want to do is barf and the task seems impossible. UGH.
I don't meet with the surgeon until the 13th and I supposed that it will not be scheduled until about a week or 2 after that. Man, I need my nights back. Cut me open and get that sucker outta there!

Confession of a Shopaholic...with a Credit Card Problem

So last night I decided that it was time to have confessions of a Shopaholic with my husband last night. The stress of having a credit card was more than I could handle and I needed an intervention...so I staged one for myself. I imagine if I were catholic, it would kind of be the same thing. I had to confess all of my charging and shopping sins and pay the price. We are living the American dream...debt! Well the stress was eating away at me cuz I felt like we weren't getting anywhere...DUH, when you use your cards how do you expect to get ahead. Well have months and months of paying them and not feeling like I was getting anywhere. I confessed my sins and gave all of my cards to my hubby and told him to do whatever he felt necessary. I heard the clip, clip of them as he snipped them into pieces and listened tearfully as they fell into the wastebasket.
I wasn't upset because he cut them, I was more upset because I felt embarrassed about the whole thing. Embarrassed that I preach to him about paying the bills, but managed to run up the cards that I have. Embarrassed that I needed to tell him I need help. Embarrassed that I can't control myself with shopping sometimes.
Now that the cards have gone in the garbage...I have opted to start fresh. I created an excel spreadsheets and labeled it Amy's get out of debt plan. I calculated all of the income I expect to receive on a monthly basis and divided it up accordingly. I've even managed to save a little with my plan. Now the tough part...sticking to it! I can do this...I HAVE to do this or there will never be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Feeling out of place...

So Chris and I went to Chicago on Friday for his annual company work party. Its a semi-formal affair and people usually dress up in suits/ties and the ladies usually were their little black dress or some form of a dress like that. This year the party was at the Ritz Carleton (fancy schmancy) and it was fun. The food was fabulous and the after dinner entertainment was very....well entertaining. Selective Recall the fabulous 80's cover band was very fun to watch. All down to the white blazers and back combed hair, it was pretty fun.

Well if you haven't been to Chicago, you should know that bars there close at 4 am (a nice change i might add), so after the party we decided that we wanted to go to a bar. I wasn't much in a mood of changing out of my party clothes, so my hubby, myself and another friend of ours Paul all went dressed as is. Everyone else changed into something more comfortable, which was most jeans. We all decided to meet a place called the Broken Bottle to see this great LIVE band that was playing. We hop in a taxi and tell him take us to the broken bottle please...and he says "are you sure you wanna go there"? **that should have been our 1st clue, but we said yes let's go. So $20 later in a cab and $12 cover we're in like flynn. Well lemme just tell you, I was so out of place. This club was freakish city. I looked like June Cleaver at a Rave (pearls and all). THe music we paid $12 for was much less than desired (if you are into screechy electronica, you'd love it). I felt like I was getting stared at like I am sure the freaky dressed peeps do everyday. How funny that I was on THEIR turf. All in all the badness of the music and the drunkness of my friends, made the night enjoyable.


On the way home we even managed to cram 7 people in a cab. Even better, the cabbie was like sure I'll take you all. Oh crazy times. I was beat at around 2 am and the rest of our friends went to another bar...i wonder what happened. I was totally reading the back of my eyelids.

I am so ready for summer

So I've been doing weight watchers for about a month now and i started out really well, as I do with most things that I start and then I fizzle. I was doing great with the journaling and keep track of everything I put in my mouth. The results were fabulous; I lost 8.2 pounds. Now I am getting lax with myself, not tracking myself as diligently as I should and I feel like I am freaking hungry all of the time. A lot of it is my job. I am bored eater, I know I am bored eater and lately there hasn't been crap to do at work, so I keep eating. I am also a huge sugar craver. I want it all of the time. I have tried all of the gimmicky things (and scientific proof things) that say if you don't eat it for 2 weeks you won't crave it anymore. Well that is a huge bunch of BS. Cuz no matter what I do, I will always choose chocolate or any sugary candy type of thing over another. So how do I live in harmony? Is there a way? Honestly I had found my ideal lifestyle when I lived in Germany a number of years ago. I lost 30 pounds in 5 months and I ate candy or some sugary thing everyday!! What the heck is wrong with the foods that we have here? Why can I not lose the weight I need to lose. Why is this so fricking hard!!

I am so ready for summer. I am/will be more active once it warms up. I like going for walks after work and taking in all of the fresh air. I love scouting the neighborhood and looking at how people have decorated their lawns and houses. Now if this crappy ass Michigan weather would cooperate, I might be making some progress. Ugh. I could become one of those Mall Walker people, but then that would only coerce my spending issues. Come on mother nature....help me out here I am waiting!

I am ever...

So holiday's are always a treat. I love seeing my family and hanging out with them. I also like hanging out with Chris' family too, as long as his step dad isn't around. So after I visited my grandparents and Chris got off of work we headed up to his Grandma's.

I swear every time I hold baby Bella I want to cry. I think about how their (my BIL and GF) crazy life, should be mine. I don't think Chris will ever know or understand how much I want to have a baby. Every time I hear about another cousin or someone else having a baby, I want to breakdown. The problem is tho', that as much as I want a baby, I don't know if my "life" is ready to accept it. My heart is ready...but am I? I would think that my overwhelming emotion that arises when I see a couple walking a baby down the street would be the ultimate clue...but I am not sure. Chris' grandma unknowingly stuck a knife in me when she told me that "kelly" is pregnant again...ugh I hate hearing that. Of course we (chris and I) were the 1st one's to be married and it was expected that we'd have the 1st baby (which is what I thought too), but sadly that isn't the case. We've been together almost 5 years and with each year I feel like we aren't getting any closer to being ready. I know in my heart I am ready...but I am scared too.

The older I get and the longer Chris says he's not ready, makes me freak a little. It would be nice to live a carefree life with no children and to be able to do all of the things that we'd love to do, but something about it makes me feel empty. Like something is missing...and I am not whole. I NEED to be needed by someone or something. I light up everyday when I come home and my kitties greet me at the door. They adore me and they NEED me and I love it. I know it is weird, but I need them to need me. I need to feel like I have a purpose. I need to feel like I am the "whole" of someone Else's world. Boy do I sure sound needy!

I want to be a great mom someday. I will be a great mom someday.

The slowest week ever...

I have no idea if there is something astrologically going on, but this has been the longest week ever! Ugh and its only F'ing Wednesday! I sit here all day at work and look at the clock and think omg I am going to die here...sitting in this chair. I usually amuse myself with my chat buddies or Online games, but there has been so much office traffic that I am getting too clicky clicky and my online game buddies get impatient. I feel like I am getting all stir crazy sittin' here. And when it has been as bad as it has been, I want to eat everything in site. What good are 2 pt snacks, when I wanna eat the whole box?

Radio Station Call ins

So I was over frustrated yesterday when I attempted to call into a radio station to win a prize. I like the busy signal...it gives me the sign to hang up and try again. But the friggin' fake ring like 2-3 times and the "I'm sorry all circuits are busy now" makes me want to scream. 1st off I am getting the false sense of hope that I am actually getting through and 2ndly it just wasted 15 seconds of my time when I could have been redialing. Isn't there a better way to do it? Why do they have the "fake-out" ring? Ugh, I just wanna get through, even if it is to tell me I am caller #70 and not #96 like I am trying to be!